That title sounds brattier than I intended, because I’m not saying these five movies have to be your favorite five movies or anything. I’m not saying you even need to double over in hysterical laughter while watching them (though that wouldn’t hurt), but MOSTLY these movies must have at least made some kind of impression on you, enough that you can identify the fact that whenever I open my mouth to say something “funny,” there’s a 99% chance it’s a quote from one of these movies.
(So basically I should have titled this post “Amalah’s Top Five Most-Quoted Stupid Comedies.” But see, that’s not bratty enough. Sure, I quote these movies a lot, but I also need you to understand WHY I quote these movies a lot.)
(HINT: Because they’re hilarious. Stupid, but hilarious. And that just about sums up an evening with me around, too.)
1) Idiocracy
The first time I watched this movie I thought it was the dumbest thing I had ever seen. And then two days later I randomly said that something “had what plants crave” and cracked my ass up proper. I’ve since watched this movie approximately 4,123 times. It is still the dumbest thing I have ever seen, but THAT’S THE POINT, PEOPLE.
MOST QUOTED: I like money, Monday Night Rehabilitation, it’s got electrolytes! Welcome to Costco, I love you. And the U.N. un-nazied the world – forever.
2) Zoolander
I’m still not entirely sure how a cast of Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, and Will Ferrell — three actors I am all particularly lukewarm about, overall — came together to create something so glorious and over-the-top bizarre that improves exponentially with each and every viewing. It’s got smart moments that are dipped and deep-fried in pure stupidity, and I adore it.
MOST QUOTED: Freak gasoline fight accident, ambi-turner, investigatory journalism, ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCCINO
3) South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
If you’re starting to get the sense that I have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy, you’re right. (Note that if I expanded this list to 10 movies it would also include The Hangover, Anchorman, and MAYBE EVEN DUMB & DUMBER.) Let’s hang out! I’ll shoot nerf bullets at your face. (But I also love Mean Girls, Clueless and Bridesmaids too! I’m still a girl I swear!)
MOST QUOTED: I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die, that movie has warped my fragile little mind, can I finish CAN I FINISH? Okay, I’m finished. (Also assorted quotes that are unsuitable for reprinting here on this website.)
4) Office Space
I honestly don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who didn’t think this movie was funny. Don’t be that guy, at least publicly, in the comments.
MOST QUOTED: PC load letter, case of the Mondays, TPS reports, federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison, set the building on fire, no-talent ass-clown.
5) Galaxy Quest
Yeah, it’s got Tim Allen in it, you wanna fight about it? It’s also got Sigourney Weaver, Alan Rickman, Sam Rockwell, Tony Shaloub…and lines I will probably quote for the rest of my life. DEAL WITH IT.
MOST QUOTED: Did you guys ever WATCH the show? Grabthar’s hammer, that was a hell of a thing, I see you’ve managed to get your shirt off, THIS EPISODE WAS BADLY WRITTEN.
About Amy Corbett Storch
