GOVERNMENT! IN! ACTION! Last week, we talked about the looming threat that the Girl Scouts have on our country…and possibly the world. This week it looks like we didn’t take that threat seriously enough. A legislator in Wyoming is pushing forward legislation in the State House that would call for the formation of a special task force that would explore what Wyoming would do should Doomsday occur.
Instantly regrets purchasing vacation home in Wyoming. Also, America’s Sweethearts.
This Task Force will be in charge of the formation of plans for all scenarios that could arise should the entirety of the United States government collapse, be destroyed, or consumed by Mothra. Possible outcomes of this Task Force could be the creation of Wyoming’s very own army, which I’m assuming would be called the Elite Wyoming Warriors, or EWW, and Wyoming’s very own currency, which I will dub the “Wyo-Mo-Buck”.
10 Wyo-M0-Bucks. Equal to 12 Delawarallrs, 30 Florabills, and 34,000 Alabamickles.
The “Doomsday Bill” is currently being spearheaded by political mastermind Dave Miller, a Republican from Riverton, Wyoming. Now, I’m all for preparedness. When the unthinkable happens, I like knowing that the people that we have elected to represent us are thinking about big picture stuff. Floods, tornadoes, waves of giant, sentient ants that are after us for our sweet, sweet innards which are a delicacy to them. It’s good to know that there’s people planning for the unthinkable. So, what world events have led Rep. Dave Miller to prepare for a completely autonomous Wyoming? According to an interview he did with the Wyoming Star-Tribune, Miller said “Things happen quickly sometimes – look at Libya, look at Egypt, look at those situations…We wouldn’t have time to meet as a legislature or even in a special session to do anything to respond.”
Ron Swanson’s head hurts…and he’s a Libertarian!
Ok, now I could go into a whole diatribe about the MASSIVE waste of time, money and obvious political agendas a piece of legislation like this is based on where it’s coming from, but that just leads to arguments about personal politics, party affiliations, and feelings and shins getting hurt. So I will try to lay out what I feel is wrong with the Doomsday Bill with a few points and/or questions.
1) Dave Miller isn’t citing natural disasters as his inspiration.
When asked about the need for this task force, Dave Miller goes ahead and cites Egypt and Libya. Not a tornado, not an earthquake, not a theoretical zombie apocalypse (which could be cool), but Egypt and Libya, two countries where protests and uprisings took place to remove either corrupt or dangerous leaders. So already we have to question Miller’s logic about the need for a “Doomsday-Proof” Wyoming. He’s not afraid of natural disasters or calamitous events, he’s afraid of some sort of coup driven by government protesters that will never happen.
Only Seacrest wants this guy dead.
2) He’s asked for $32,000 for his Task Force.
Wha?! Fortunately, he’s already had his budget cut in half. I thought we were all supposed to be upset about budget deficits and government spending.
3) What Doomsday scenario would leave America completely in ruins…except for Wyoming?
Please oh please, let it be 50 Foot Woman attack!
4) How does a state immediately institute its own currency?
Remember, we’re talking about a situation where the rest of the United States is theoretically in total collapse. How would Wyo-Mo-Bucks be a valid form of currency when we’ll all be scavenging for canned food and looking for little people to be the Masters to our Blasters?
Live from Yellowstone National Thunderdome.
5) You know what a state-sponsored military would be?
A militia. It would also be borderline treason. Say the zombies attack, do you know what the first thing that would happen? Martial law. The US Army, Navy, Air Force and Voltron would be completely in charge of the operation of every armed force within the US. States have not and will never need their own armed forces and any other thought would go hand in hand with supporting succession.
Unless their army is full of super-intelligent buffalo. Then I say carry on.
6) Along with raising it’s own army, the bill also provides for looking into how to acquire Wyoming’s own AIRCRAFT CARRIER.
Are we that concerned about the unwashed masses of Colorado trying to get into Wyoming after the Everything-But-Wyoming-Extinction-Event? And again, in order to be prepared for Doomsday, all of this ordinance would have to be purchased now. Do you think the state economy really wants to start pumping it’s resources into aircraft carrier fuel?
I love the smell of Yellowstone Lake in the morning.
So my bottom line is this, this bill isn’t about the preparedness and safety of the people and livestock of Wyoming, it’s about the questionable right wing notion that states should have so much governing power that they could separate from the rest of the US in a heartbeat. In the event of collapse wouldn’t it be better to be prepared to attack it as one nation and not shoot at each other from our borders?
What do you think liberated people of Internetlandia? Do you support a Doomsday Plan that is more concerned with state currency and less concerned with protecting you from Martians? Or should every state have it’s own ejector seat? Is this a genuine piece of legislation or has someone been reading too many scary websites? Myself and my fellow freedom fighters want to hear what you think.
HAPPY LEAP DAY!
You can’t get any candy without some tears first!
About Joe Lyons
