Nick Lachey is a mensch. For reals. If ever a wonderful mensch there was, well Nick Lachey is one because of a revelation to Kelly Ripa on Live with Kelly earlier this week.
While discussing the news that he and wife Vanessa Minnillo were expecting their first impossibly good looking child, the NY Daily News reports that Nick disclosed that a certain decorum would be adhered to in the delivery room. Here he is in his finest 14 year old boy syntax:
“‘I’ve been told – because that’s what happens now, I’m told things – that it’s going to be a waist up situation, if you know what I mean,’ Lachey told Ripa.”
Haw haw!!! No way, bro! You mean she won’t even let you see down there?! Awww shit?! Burn, bro. Burrrrn!
Yes, Nick, I think we know what you mean. It was tough to deduce at first, but it sounds like your wife may be a little uncomfortable having you down around the business end of this little miracle. I feel that. I’m sure there are plenty of others who share the same sentiment.
But then he goes onto drop this little plum:
“Though Minnillo, 31, has strict delivery room instructions for her husband, Lachey revealed that he’s already witnessed more than what she’d want when he was asked to videotape the birth of a friend’s child years ago.”
Um. What? Wow.
Some friends you can count on to take you to the airport. Some will even help you pull up old carpet. But then there’s a special kind of ally who’s more than delighted to train his Nikon lens between your wife’s stirruped legs and wait for the magic to happen. Evidently, Nick Lachey is that kind of friend.
“‘I asked him, “How do you want me to handle this? Do you want me to get in there and get the detail?” And he said, “Yeah,” Lachey recalled. ”We all got very close that day.”‘
Whoa! Nick Lachey! Get in there and get the detail?!?! Why am I picturing you in a hazmat suit, armed with a bulky Camcorder ready to step into one of those tents they have around Elliot’s house in ET? Make no mistake, I find your commitment to capturing the shot impressive, but good Christ, man, let’s not block any exits, ok? Scooch it back a little.
We didn’t tape the birth of our daughter. Never really crossed our minds. And maybe it didn’t because, good lord, who would we be comfortable with a) taping such an intimate/vulnerable experience and b) would that person even be down with it? And how in the hell do you ask them? Because I know I would screw it up. We’d be at dinner with our (oblivious) candidate and, after a couple glasses of something red, I’d totter forth with, “It’s pretty safe to say you don’t have an issue with things going in vaginas, right? Well lemme’ tell you what we were thinkin’.” Gigantic. Cluster.
So, damn you, little Nick Lachey. I know I wouldn’t be totally comfortable with a friend (or anyone really) recording my child’s birth, but you and yours have obviously reached some higher level of best frienshipdom than I am able to attain. What a mensch.
Aside: And, hey Vanessa Minnillo – obviously, how you want to handle the whole birthing plan – who sits where, who sees what, and all of that – is completely up to you and your husband. But if you’re at all concerned that having Nick sit in on the big reveal will turn him off in some way and make him never find you sexually attractive again, permit me to point out a couple of things:
1. He’s a guy. Guy’s don’t get turned off too easily. If we did, you’d see far fewer strip clubs around the country.
2. You’re Vanessa Minnillo. And you’ve seen you, right? Please tell me you want this whole “waist up” thing because you also happen to be gestating a map to buried treasure somewhere and NOT because you fear he won’t want ever want you in the Biblical sense ever again.
So I put it to you, MamaPops. Have you taped your child’s birth? Would you? Will you? Who would you have do it? Better still – and we’re gettin’ like uber-shallow with this one – what celebrity/character of fiction would you have do the honors? I’ll go first: Rob Lowe’s Chris Traeger from Parks and Recreation. LITERALLY, the obvious choice.