True Blood geeks: your dreams have come true. Bill and Sookie will be eternally bound. Sorta. Entertainment Weekly has confirmed that Blood stars Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer are expecting their first child together. It is 29-year-old Paquin’s first child and 42-year-old Moyer’s third.
Soooooo, internet, I have an apology to make. Blogging about this makes me a big ol’ hypocrite.
Not long ago, I blogged about my disbelief that we’re all so obsessed with celebrity mommies and their adorable spawn. What Anna Paquin does or doesn’t have in her body is none of my beeswax. But I was inexplicably jazzed to read about Paquin and Moyer starting a family together. This may indicate that I’m a huge sap who loves it when onscreen couples are also offscreen couples. It could also mean that I’m secretly applauding Paquin and Moyer for giving a fertile middle finger to anyone who doubted their staying power as Hollywood spouses with a decade-plus between them. And, deep down, am I just hoping that Anna Paquin delivers a baby with absolutely no Sookie-like properties because she is quite possibly the most grating woman on television.
Nah. Let’s be real. I want someone on True Blood to have a baby to make it halfway interesting again. When the show debuted on HBO in 2008, I thought it was so clever. The allegory for the gay rights debate in this country. An alternative heroine to one who would, oh, give up everything to get banged around by Powder.
And, again with the real-ness: it’s acceptable porn for educated mommies.
Plus, there’s this guy:
But with every passing season of True Blood (season 5 begins June 10 for those keeping score at home), the stories have gotten headdesk-ier, the characters have grown less likable, and the tension has all but disappeared. HINT: Sookie will always be okay in the end. Okay, yes, they wrapped the last season with a decent punch-to-the-gut but assuming the show will continue to center on Sookie whining and Bill Sookie-ing and a lot of halfway interesting bisexual vampire nookie, I’m going to need a reason to, once again, find the lead characters interesting.
A bloodthirsty bun in the oven might just do the trick.
So congratulations, Anna and Stephen! Welcome to Mommyhood, Sook. Please use your new power for the greatest good: saving my favorite TV shows.