There was a time I would argue there’s really no such thing as a bad pro-breastfeeding ad. I mean, what could ever be wrong with a public service announcement that encourages women to choose the natural way to nourish their infants whenever possible, meanwhile also discouraging any prudes and woman haters who shame them for doing so in public without a proper breast-feeding burqa or hieing away first to a public toilet?
But then I saw this breastfeeding PSA from the Mayor’s Healthy Hometown organization in Louisville, Kentucky. I apologize in advance for the night terrors you’ll be having later on this evening.
There are so many things wrong with this 30-second spot, I think it’s best to break it down in a series of bullet-points.
- GAH! TALKING BABY WITH GIANT, ADULT TEETH! I don’t care how hungry you are, demon baby, because there is no way I’m letting those chompers anywhere near my nipples. While I’m not sure there’s any way you can animate a baby talking so that it won’t creep me out (the E-Trade babies give me nightmares, and don’t even get me started on the Look Who’s Talking franchise), I’m pretty sure a good place to start is cropping out the teeth on your lo-fi Synchro-Vox mouth animations. As one YouTube commenter astutely observed, “Breastmilk? That baby should be eating a porterhouse with those teeth.”
- Hooter Hiders. Yes, I know that’s an actual thing, but allow me to take this opportunity to strongly object to both the name and purpose of this product. This is the most terrible product name since EVER, except maybe “Slap Chop.” And hearing a creepy baby voice (or rather a chipmunk-ified adult voice coming from an adult mouth superimposed on an otherwise cute baby) utter it doesn’t make it more palatable. Aside from the awful name, I firmly believe women shouldn’t have to wear a shower curtain and rod over their fun-bags every time baby needs a feeding, though Hooter Hiders could double as a sweet costume, should the politically-minded mom wish to go to this year’s Halloween party as a voting booth.
- The ad is still suggesting that, while moms can feed in public, they should still be sure to do so under cover of darkness, lest they make public breastfeeding all “nasty.” Like Daryl Hall and John Oates, I can’t go for that, no can do.
- ComeOnEverybody.org. Come. On. Everybody. I realize my sense of humor may be a bit emotionally immature for a 31-year-old, but despite the official and serious sounding .org domain, I am unable to avoid conjuring the most unsavory images when I see a URL ordering the visitor to “come on everybody.” I wonder how many hits ComeOnEverybody.org gets from people looking for bukkake porn?
- Yes, I already said this one, but it bears repeating: TALKING BABY WITH GIANT, ADULT TEETH! Perhaps a still from the video will help drive this point home a little more forcefully:
Weird – I could swear I just heard our entire female readership collectively slap their hands over their nips in self-defense. I’m sorry about that, truly.
I know I probably shouldn’t be so hard on Louisville for their well-intended ad. The message is, for the most part, a good one, and obviously the budget for this ad wasn’t enormous, which is to be expected from a local municipal PSA. I’m just saying, if I were this campaign’s marketing director, I may have gone in another direction…while running and screaming NO NO NO, DON’T HURT ME DEMON BABY!