Forget the Globes and the Oscars and whatever. The annual Met Gala is BY FAR my favorite celebrity dress-watching event. Everybody busts out the couture and the big, dramatic ball gowns and I LOVE IT. Especially because—at an event with an already high risk-taking chance of OH HONEY NO—there’s always a handful of people who purposely go balls-to-the-wall weird, to ensure that they stand out among all the pretty.
And there was a LOT of pretty last night. Scrolling through the full slideshow at People gave me a serious case of dress envy. (And waistline envy, but that’s a whole ‘nother thing.) So many gorgeous sparkly bodices! Big poofy feathered trains! Necklines that plunged down to THERE and metallics and jewel tones and then OH MY GOD WHAT IS MARY-KATE WEARING.
How much do you wanna bet she skulked around, all crazy-eyed and super-petite-like, startling people on purpose all night? “Who’s behind m..GAHHH TINY SOUL STEALER!”
Likewise, while it’s certainly no surprise that Florence Welch showed up in something avant-garde, I can help but wonder how much of the night she spent doing DRAMATIC SPINS! to ensure that her sleeve-cape was always photographed perfectly mid-flight like this.
(Yes, that’s actually technically the sleeves. I dunno. This dress is complicated and makes me tired.)
Also not surprising, for Chloe Sevigny, but I must give her props for her make-up-and-hair commitment to the “I am drunk and/or high and/or giving BJs in the restroom of Studio 54″ look.
Also for making me feel intense confusion about her cloggy-hoof shoes, which I feel like I should hate but actually kind of love.
No such confusion here. WE GET IT, BEYONCE. WE REALLY, REALLY GET IT ALREADY.
“Godammit,” thinks Marion Cotillard. “MY ass is hanging out of MY dress but I’m still gonna get described as ‘demure and understated’ tomorrow, by comparison.”
Elizabeth Banks needs just a TOUCH MORE going on in this look. Perhaps a fascinator made up of shiny pre-packaged Christmas bows.
Lily Collins needs someone to tell her that Mirror, Mirror bombed already, so she can stop showing up places looking like a pretty pretty Disney princess. Honey, let it GO.
(Although this dress eerily reminds me of the one I wore as Miss Havisham in my high school production of Great Expectations.)
Although what do I know? Clearly this whole high-necked wrinkled dress-sack is a Thing now.
Kirsten Dunst is too busy Businessing all over the Businessplace with her Businessthings to give a flying crap what we think of this outfit.
STOP TRYING TO MAKE LANA DEL RAY HAPPEN, LANA DEL RAY. God, my dislike is irrational and yet oddly life-affirming.
(Also, [SPEAKING OF IRRATIONAL DISLIKE] Gwyneth Paltrow wants her Oscar Cape back, sweets.)
You can check out the rest of the looks — the good, the bad and the boooooorrrrring — at People, but only if you promise to come back and talk dresses with me here.