Anderson Cooper, adorable journalist and part time entertainer, interviewed British semi-celebrity Sarah Burge on Tuesday’s episode of his daytime talk show, presumably to get some advice about his wrinkles and bulges. What followed did not exactly go according to plan, but it was fifty times more awesome. Cooper dismissed his guest after only a few minutes and she fled the stage. Why? Oh, because this lady is batshit crazy, and he called her on it. Score one for Anderson Cooper.
Why was the silver fox so pissy? Well, Sarah Burge holds the Guinness World Record for most plastic surgeries and she calls herself the “Human Barbie.” (The counterpoint topic on this episode was Men Who Love Dolls. Touché, Coops. Genuinely sad I missed that one.) Her surgery-altered appearance aside, things don’t seem so bad until you know that Burge has previously made headlines for teaching her 6-year-old to pole dance and giving her a voucher for breast enhancements on her 7th birthday. “It’s empowering for her to be able to take charge of the way she wants to look. She’ll be able to use the vouchers when she reaches 18. I’m going to keep buying them for her for Christmas and birthdays until then so she’ll have about £120,000 worth.” says the former nurse turned cosmetic surgery rep. Yeeeeaaahh, okay lady.
Here, I’m sure this picture of Burge and her daughter will clear everything right up:
Once on Anderson Burge says she encouraged her 15-year-old daughter, a “professional dancer” (without context, we have no idea if this is ballet, tap, or the golden pole), to get Botox injections to keep her from sweating. “You wouldn’t see Beyonce sweating on the stage, would you?” she justifies. To which we can all scream back in unison, “YES, YES WE WOULD! WE HAVE! I have seen her sweat so much it looks like she peed! Beyonce sweats, because she dances real nice! Swear!”
Anderson Cooper (bless his heart for trying) makes some extremely valid, rational points and even mentions a board-certified plastic surgeon weighing in and not a single word he says makes a dent in her very fixated, chemically de-wrinkled brain. They bounce right off and ding him in the face. Realizing things are going nowhere fast he cuts the fake stuff and lets her have it:
“I honestly have nothing more to talk to you about… I try to be really polite to all my guests. I think you’re dreadful and I honestly don’t want to talk to you anymore.” BURN. Cue high fives and high kicks of the most superior level.
If there’s one thing parenting has taught me, it’s that you only see a sliver of another parent’s life when they’re screaming in the checkout line– you never know the rest of the story. When I catch myself looking at another mom’s lunch choice thinking, “Oh I would never…” I give myself a good slap to the brain and walk away. Judging others is bad, mmmmkay?
…Except in situations like this. For the love of all that is holy, can we agree that some things are just NOT OKAY? Telling this woman she’s dreadful should be one of the least controversial statements ever uttered. Between this train wreck, Teen Mom, Kate Gosselin, and Toddlers and Tiaras I can’t take anymore. It hurts my heart that there are real kids on the other side of these parents trying to come to terms with their bodies. I mean I guess they’re all alive and relatively safe, but NO, I’m really not okay with this level of crazy and apparently neither is Anderson Cooper.
Silver Fox, you’re officially my favorite person of the week.