Boy Bands Around The World – Tween Review

05/07/2012 12:00 pm by

ONE DIRECTION! SQUEEEEEEEE!

OMGOMGOMGOMG, THE WANTED ARE SOOOOOOO CUTE!

BIG TIME RUSH…uhhhhmmmm…Big Time Rush is sooooooo…GNARLY!

Are we still saying gnarly? No?

Yeah, I’m not the target audience for boy bands, am I? The target audience for boy bands is mostly middle school girls wearing flowery mini skirts, all-weather flip flops, and coordinating rubber bands on their braces. I’m 45 year old. I think Bono is hot.  As far my tween and teen daughters are concerned, Bono might as well be Tony Bennett.

So in putting together this post rounding up a few of  the kissable, squee-licious young singing dudes around the globe, I enlisted the help of my in-house 11-year-old girl child, Izzy Jo.

Rating each band in three categories—cuteness, music, and overall appeal to the average 10-15 yo American girl—Izzy Jo and I present your worldwide boy band guide.

Our rating scale is 1 = Meh, 2 = Ok, 3 = Hmm, 4 = Whoa, and 5 = Squeeeee! (“Squeeeee!” in Japanese, Russian, and Romanian is also “Squeeeee!”)

Let’s start with our baseline, shall we? Niall, Zayn, Liam, Harry, and Louis. Doesn’t quite roll off the tongue like “John, Paul, George, and Ringo.” Ah well.

 

One Direction, from UK and Ireland

Izzy Jo says “This video is odd. I don’t like it.”

Cuteness: 2. Ok.

Music: 3. Hmm.

Would most tween/teen girls like One Direction? Yes. But I don’t.

Mom says: Uh-oh. One Direction got a lukewarm reception from our pre-teen reviewer. This could be a bumpy ride.

 

Super Junior, from South Korea

Leetuk, Heechul, Han Geng, Yesung…holy crap, there’s a lot of them….

Izzy Jo says: Awesomeness!

Cuteness: 3

Music: 5! Squeeee!

General Teen Girl Appeal: Probably

Mom says: K-Pop bringin’ it! (Are we still saying “bringin’ it’?)

 

Big Bang, South Korea, aka Well O’ Boy Bands

Izzy Jo says: That’s one wicked hoodie! They have weird and cool outfits.

Cuteness: 3

Music: 5

General Teen Girl Appeal: Yes

Mom says: Is this what my kids are listening to? ‘Cause I know they aren’t listening to Taylor Swift. Although I am.

 

Arashi, Japan

Izzy Jo says: Awesome video. I love all the stop animation and all the moving things.

Cuteness: 2

Music: 5

General Teen Girl Appeal: Maybe

Mom says: I liked the costumes. The song sounded a bit like the opening music to a game show. But if you ask me, much as in women’s figure skating, Korea is kicking butt.

 

Youngblood, Sweden

Izzy Jo says: What’s a youngblood?

Cuteness: 3

Music: 3

General Teen Girl Appeal: Yes

Mom says: Sometimes, Autotune is the right thing to do. Yikes. These guys stink. So cute. So stinky.

 

D’Nash, Spain

Izzy Jo says: That’s a sad song.

Cuteness: 3

Music: 5

General Teen Appeal: Yes

Mom says: These guys look a little long in the tooth for a boy band. I think all those beards and scarves are hiding a penchant for beers and long evenings flipping channels.

 

Kazaky, Ukraine

Izzy Jo says: Good at dancing. (No, she made no mention of the fact that they were dancing in heels higher than anything she’s seen her own mother wear.)

Cuteness: 2 (To be fair, it was kinda  dark)

Music: 3

General Teen Appeal: Yes

Mom says: To be more fair, Izzy Jo is actually a bluegrass mountain music kind of girl. The mid-90s club scene would have been wasted on her. I’ll make sure not to encourage her to travel to Odessa.

 

Akcent, Romania

Izzy Jo says: Nothing. I think she’s done with watching Madonna tribute bands.

Cuteness:3

Music: 5

General Teen Appeal: Yes

Mom says: I wonder whatever happened to Madonna. She was so much better grinding on a chair than these young gentlemen. And by the way, what the hell is going on in Central Europe? Did Y2k really set back the clocks? To Vogue time?

One more. On to sunny Brazil!

 

Restart, Brazil

Izzy Jo says: They’re cool!

Cuteness: 3

Music: 5

General Teen Appeal: Yes

Mom says: Aw, shucks! They’re adorable and goofy and I just want them all in a remake of Help! Can someone teach these guys to sing with a British accent? They could be huge. HUGE, I tell ya! Penguins…baby turtles…genius.

 

So, that’s what some of the rest of the world has to offer in the way of lovable mop top young men. Download a few new songs onto your iPod to play during field hockey car pool.

Most. Popular. Mom. Ever.

 

source

TOP POSTS
About Josette Plank

Josette is a coal miner's granddaughter and mother of three kids living in the deep suburbs of Central Pennsylvania. A former writer and actor with DQD Comedy Theater, Josette now shares her down home Appalachian kookiness at josetteplank.com.

Filed Under: Animation, Boys!! Squee!, Celebrities, Madonna, Music, Pop Culture, Video Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


From Our Partners

  • Snarky_Amber

    Thanks for the primer. On what aisle do I find ear bleach? Is that in hygiene or  household cleaners?

    • Josette Plank

      Yeah. I’d grab a bottle of both.

  • http://swanfeet.wordpress.com/ ladyphlogiston

    My sound engineer husband would like me to point out that the Swedish guys probably aren’t that bad – the acoustics of a stadium performance like that make it a lot harder to sing in tune.  (That’s why the person singing the national anthem for the super bowl always does a bad job.)  That does not, however, excuse them for apparently not having any real music videos that would allow us to compare properly.

    • Josette Plank

      I figured the sound might be a bit wonky. And yes,  since I don’t speak Swedish, I had trouble finding other videos that might have translated titles…? That ‘s my story and I’m sticking to it.

      Oh wait! I DID find another video of them doing an acoustic version. It was much better, but the video quality was worse.

      • http://swanfeet.wordpress.com/ ladyphlogiston

        I found their youtube channel (via wikipedia to get to their website and google translate) and they had this performance, a couple of “acoustic” videos (probably a camcorder in their hotel room) and a few backstage interview-y things.  None of which is an acceptable replacement for a way to listen to a professionally produced version of their song.  You’d think they didn’t want more listeners.

        (They did, however, have a link to their single on Spotify, which I know is entirely free there, so perhaps they don’t feel the need to distribute freebies elsewhere)

        • Josette Plank

          On the other hand, I do think that have a high “cute” appeal. Even if their music doesn’t wind up comparing well, at least they have their good looks. ;-) (Pretend I’m not a middle aged woman saying this.)

          I had about 10 other bands my daughter and I reviewed (sort of). It was tough to find good quality videos for a lot of the bands. Plus, I wanted to stay away from videos with lead off ads. But man oh man,  did we have fun, anyway. A few of the boy bands from Russia were way out there in the most horribly entertaining ways possible.

          • http://swanfeet.wordpress.com/ ladyphlogiston

            They do have that.  Though personally I thought the Romanians were cuter, but whatever.

            I didn’t for a minute mean to criticize your choice – just saying the band was showing poor judgement.  You did a great job.

  • http://anymommyoutthere.com/ Anymommy

    That was enlightening.  Can we go back to talking about Bono?  He’s hot ;-)

    • Josette Plank

      Agreed! Hotter, even with a mullet.

  • http://diefrau.blogspot.in/ die Frau

    Meanwhile, go to YouTube and type in “Title of the Song” by DaVinci’s Notebook, a parody of ALL boy band songs. HILARIOUS.