Bieber Attacks A Photographer; Portland Dance Proposal

LA police want to talk to the Biebs about an incident with a paparazzo that occurred over the weekend who tried to take a photograph of the “Boyfriend” singer’s girlfriend, Selena Gomez. The photographer complained of pain in his chest after the incident, for which he was treated at and released from a local hospital. Maybe this is unfair to both the Biebs and this photographer, but I just can’t imagine Justin Bieber being all that threatening, so I have to admit, I doubt that photographer had anything more than a case of that rampant Bieber fever from the kerfuffle. I mean, look at him. He’s like the human, Canadian version of a labrador puppy. Then again, the pop star had apparently just been taking boxing tips from Mike Tyson, though as far as I know the photographer’s ear is intact.

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Hey, were you planning on proposing to someone in the near future? Well, make sure he/she doesn’t see this, because I’m pretty sure whatever proposal you’re cooking up is totally lame in comparison. Seriously, no one can ever propose as awesomely as this dude did, in a musical spectacle choreographed to Bruno Mars’s “Marry You”. (Full disclosure, I cried the ENTIRE way through it, so if you’re a dumb sap like me, gird your tear ducts).

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. I SPRUNG A LEAK.

The couple has received offers from Good Morning America and Ellen, and will appear tomorrow on Today. If they do the talk show circuit, I hope they do Ellen, because she’s all about the dancing, and also I watch that show and it’s clearly all about me.

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FLOTUS and coolest mom ever Michelle Obama took Sasha and Malia to see Beyoncé live in Atlantic City this weekend. Wait a second. Beyoncé’s touring? Didn’t she just have a baby last week? Actually, I just checked and no, it was in January. Still, B, seriously, you’re making us all look bad. If you go on tour five months after giving birth, post-partum women won’t be able to use the “my C-section scar is still really hurting me” excuse to get out of taking the trash out.

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It’s graduation season, which means it is celebrity-commencement-speech-and-honorary-doctorate season. Robert DeNiro gave the address at Bates College, because what’s more inspiring to people who worked toward a college degree for four years than advice from a high school dropout who has more money than most of them will ever see in their lifetimes, am I right? The irony wasn’t lost on DeNiro, though.

“With all due respect to [fellow honorees] Gwen Ifill and Bonnie Bassler, I think this is the most important piece of advice you’ll get today: become a movie star. Now, you might be tempted by other careers, other interests, other commitments. There might be pressure on you to change the world, but you want to find the strength to resist.When I started, I wasn’t a movie star, and it sucked. The moment I became a movie star, things started to get better.”

DeNiro went on to say that receiving an honorary degree cheapens his star a little, but that his mom would be proud—though she’d be prouder if it were from Harvard.”

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Cynthia Nixon—Sex and the City‘s Miranda—and long-time girlfriend Christine Marononi got hitched this weekend. They were engaged three years ago at a marriage equality rally and just had a baby in February. Congrats to the happy couple!

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And, in Sunday night television OMG, DID YOU SEE MAD MEN LAST NIGHT? If you didn’t, just skip this part.

Even though most of the US has today off from work, I am willing to bet last night’s episode had enough fodder that you’ll still be talking about it tomorrow around the water cooler. Joan literally slept her way into a 5% partnership, SCDP landed Jaguar (thanks in part to Joan’s maneuver, but also due to some cracker jack copywriting from Ginsberg), and Peggy took an offer (and a move up to Copy Chief) at Cutler Gleason and Chaough. I’m not going to lie, I nearly bawled when Peggy gave her notice. How telling is it that Don and Peggy’s work divorce was more emotional than Don and Betty’s actual divorce?

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Meanwhile on HBO, drunk Cersei is seriously the most awesome thing ever. She was like a medieval fantasy version of Lucille Bluth.