While I rarely tune in to SNL these days—preferring to let others aggregate the few funny moments of the show into clips for my viewing pleasure on Monday morning—Kristen Wiig’s send-off on SNL was worth catching this weekend. Guest host and musical guest Mick Jagger sang “She’s A Rainbow” and “Ruby Tuesday” as the cast took turns dancing with Wiig, who seemed desperate to not lose her shit. I, uh, well, I was not so composed.
Two other SNL fixtures, Andy Sandberg and Jason Sukeikis, are rumored to be leaving after this season as well – the former seemed to get his good-bye in with a Lazy Sunday sequel that was about as good as any sequel which is to say, “meh.”
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Well, you can call off the search. Nick Stahl has been found, and not in a gutter or dumpster as predicted by the staff and readers of MamaPop. He’s checking into rehab and is very serious about getting his act cleaned up. For the sake of his young children, I hope he’s going to real and actual rehab, not the spa getaway Lindsay chose or whatever the hell Dr. Drew is passing off as rehab.
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Bobbi Kristina, daughter of the late Whitney Houston and the miraculously still living Bobby Brown made an appearance at the Billboard awards. “I just really want to say thank you to everyone who supported us through it all,” she said. “Thanks for showing that much love, because she deserved it. I’m just blessed to have been in such an incredible woman’s life.” Aww – classy and gracious.
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Carrie Underwood’s hockey player husband Mike Fisher wants seven kids. Carrie’s like, “yeah, with your vagina maybe.” She’s good with two or three, thanks. Regardless of how many kids they have, Carrie is sure Mike will be an excellent dad, not that anyone who plans on breeding ever declares their partner will be a terrible parent or anything.
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Sean Penn would like you to know that you didn’t do enough for Haiti because you never cared and probably eat Haitian babies for breakfast, too, you ugly American you. Never mind that you probably don’t have the free time or resources that Sean Penn does, nor the ability to drop everything in your life to directly help out in a disaster-wrecked country. It’s really just that you’re not as good a person as he is, you asshole. I’ve come so close to singing Sean’s praises for his commitment to helping rebuild Haiti, but every time I get there, he pulls this douchey I’m-The-Biggest-Humanitarian-Of-All-Time bullshit. (Also, Sean? I might not care as much about Haiti as you, but at least I’m not an apologist for a child rapist like Roman Polanski.)
I’ve got an idea, Sean. Why don’t you challenge Angelina to a charity cage match? If she wins, the money goes to Darfur; if you win, it goes to Haiti. Cool?
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Kris Jenner got all the Kardashians to take DNA tests except Khloe Kardashian, who is not interested in wrapping herself up in Kris’s Dynasty-era baby daddy drama. “My dad is Robert Kardashian. My other dad is Bruce Jenner. If you [effed] other people during the same time and you do not know, go on Maury.” Khloe also said she’s an Odom now, not a Kardashian, making it very clear that Khloe a) doesn’t think blood necessarily makes a family and b) that she is above her mom’s desperate headline grabs. Meanwhile, Bruce feels like the Jan Brady of the Kardashian Klan. Sad trombone!
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America”s Sweetheart Sandra Bullock and America’s Side-Splitter Melissa McCarthy are teaming up to do a buddy cop movie together. As an unabashed lover of Miss Congeniality and Bridesmaids, I fully endorse this project. I’m hoping it turns out to be the female, US equivalent of Hot Fuzz.
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About Snarky Amber
