Of course the topic of the day is the fact that Jessica Simpson finally had her baby after what seemed like forever according to the world, even though she only announced her pregnancy seven months ago. (Unless I’m mistaken, celebrities have the same gestational period as human beings.) But some other stuff happened, too, and I rounded it all up for your one-stop-shopping needs.
Khloe Kardashian opened up a little about her choice to put reality television on hold in favor of supporting her husband and their marriage, because apparently we all needed her to explain why working on maintaining a healthy relationship with her partner was more important to her than documenting her life for E!
Imaginary Kardashian Konversation:
Kim: Khloe, they’re called priorities. You know that saying, “Nothing’s more important than fame?”
Khloe: Uh, it’s “what’s more important than family,” loser.
***
Despite lower ratings since he joined the cast, Two and a Half Men star Ashton Kutcher just got a $25,000 raise. In related news, I’ll be over here considering whether I need to pay my student loan with my credit card this month and then throwing up repeatedly because SERIOUSLY. WHAT. THE SHIT. I refuse to believe there is a God in a universe where Ashton Kutcher makes $725,000 per episode, while it would take me nearly 20 years to make that much money. Not to mention the fact that I’d rather watch Betty White take a dump for 30 minutes than sit through five minutes of that show. And that’s despite the fact that I’m really sick of Betty White.
***
Last night on The Voice, the final four were announced: former Mousketeer Tony Lucca for Team Adam (despite Chrstina’s Aguilera, Destroyer of Worlds, and her one-woman campaign to cut him down); former Alicia Keys backup singer Jermaine Paul for Team Blake (poor Erin Willet was eliminated on her birthday, while wearing the most unflattering dress ever); “opera singer” Chris Mann for team Christina (air quotes because I’m a classical music snob and that guy would neeeever headline an actual opera, sorry); and rocker Juliet Simms for Team CeeLo. I’m not much of a gambler, but I’m shopping for a bookie and putting all my money on Juliet and her ridiculously awesome set of pipes. She better come through for me (see above, in re: student loan payments).
***
Anthony Hopkins and Scarlett Johansson have been cast as Alfred Hitchcock and Janet Leigh, respectively, in a movie about the director’s life during the making of Psycho. Some photos have come out showing some of the cast (including the amazing Helen Mirren) in costume and makeup. I know the four dudes who read our site would rather see the ScarJo pics, but I’m more interested in the shots of Sir Anthony wearing approximately 100 pounds of latex in order to mimic the suspense master’s jolly physique. Seriously, that photo to the left? That’s Hannibal Lecter. Crazy, non?
***
Rapper Wiz Khalifa was busted for pot, again, after cops found over 11 grams of pot on his tour bus. If you’re worried about your tax dollars being wasted on investigating the pot use of a rapper, I doubt it took much gumshoeing beyond looking at his Instagram feed. Seriously, dude is like Sir Smokes-a-Lot from Half Baked. Wiz has already been charged and released with a court date, but this arrest comes less than two weeks after he was arrested for smoking up at a Nashville Holiday Inn, where I guess Wiz was attending an insurance underwriters convention, since I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason you stay in a Holiday Inn.
***
source, source, source, source, source, source, source, source
About Snarky Amber
