I’m not a hat-as-fashion fan. I’ve never understood how you gracefully disengage from a hat. With my heavy hair, once the hat is on my head, there it must stay until the day is done or a shower and re-style can occur. I’ve always envied people who can jauntily wear a hat and then flip it off and have their locks spring back into place as though they weren’t recently crushed to their heads in a sweaty compression chamber.
Mocking hats, on the other hand, is fun and there are few things more mock-worthy than a good Kentucky Derby hatastrophe. Churchill Downs in Louisville, Kentucky hosted the 138th running of the Kentucky Derby on Saturday and the hats and the horses came out to play.
There is a way to do a hat well although I’m not sure I have room to criticize because I don’t have the talent. The key, I suspect, is to avoid looking like you stepped straight off the set of The Hunger Games.
Looking suggestively like a part of the female anatomy is probably not your best bet either.
The small horse peeking out from behind the folds is a nice touch, but let’s leave this imagery to a Georgia O’Keeffe painting, shall we?
Timeless and classic always works. It’s the law of hats.
If you want cute and fresh, throw in a few polka dots.
Just stay away from anything like this and we’ll all be much, much happier.
The hats, however, are not the main attraction at the Kentucky Derby. I grew up with horses and there’s nothing like a full field of renowned athletes with rippling muscles and aristocratic noses to make me feel a bit fluttery.
Who doesn’t adore an underdog? I’ll Have Another, with jockey Mario Gutierrez aboard, had less than stellar 15-1 odds when he ran his sleek little butt off to edge out Bodemeister for the win at the 2012 Kentucky Derby. Bodemeister broke early and led until the final lengths when I’ll Have Another overtook the 4-1 favorite and beat him to the wire. When the dust cleared and the roses were presented, I’ll Have Another had run a mile and one-quarter in 2:01.83.
While Derby fashions may not be setting any trends, with star athletes and inspiring, against-all-odds success stories, there is a possibility that celebrity parents will start looking to horse racing for inspiration when they name their oh-so-trendy offspring. Phrases could become the new Blue Ivy of baby-naming. Names like Gwyneth Paltrow‘s daughter Apple and Demi Moore’s daughters Rumer, Tallulah, and Scout LaRue are so 10 minutes ago. Maxwell for a girl? Oh, Jessica, so ordinary. Forget Denim and Diezel, sons of Toni Braxton.
We need real creativity and originality. We need nonsensical phrases as baby names. Imagine the headline possibilities. ”Tori’s Fourth Baby I’ll Have Another Spelling Due In October”. ”Bodemeister Cruise Comes In Second To Suri”. ”Pink And Carey Hart Welcome Willow Sage’s Brother Man O’War”. ”JLo Sports New Family Jewel, Diamond In The Rough”.
See what I mean? Anyone who is anyone will have a three-to-four-word name phrase in 2013. Personally, if I have another boy, I’ll name him after 2011 Kentucky Derby winner, Animal Kingdom Conner.
I’ll Have Another, the horse, heads to Maryland for the Preakness Stakes on May 19 to see if he can stay on track to win the Triple Crown. Hey, that has a nice ring. Triple Crown Jolie-Pitt? We can only hope.