George Lucas, creator of the Star Wars saga and flannel shirt aficionado, has taken how-to-deal-with-your-lousy-neighbors to a whole new epic level. The director, who owns a large patch of land north of San Francisco in Marin County, has, for 25 years, attempted to build a 300,000 square foot movie studio on the lot, in another attempt to be able to make movies all while moving as little as humanly possible. The local homeowners association, however, has blocked Lucas and his plans every step of the way.
After fighting to get the studio constructed for over two decades, which would have potentially brought a good deal of jobs and money to the area, Lucas has been unable to get past the homeowners association and their concerns of potential traffic that could develop in their super-rich neighborhood and their insistence that the area should be for houses and not businesses. So George has conceded defeat and has abandoned all plans to build his state-of-the-art movie studio.
In a delightful twist that would be at home in a competently written script, Lucas is now using the land to build low-income housing for needy families and seniors. Lucas, in a statement, said:
If everyone feels that housing is less impactful on the land, then we are hoping that people who need it the most will benefit.
All in all, not too bad. Lucas is doing a good thing with land that he can’t use, all while sticking it to the stuffy HOA, who I’m sure look like every rich Dad from every 80s movie where kids aren’t allowed to dance or play on the country club’s golf course. Lucas is even helping with the building process by donating all of the surveys and studies that he paid to have done on the land to the Marin Community Foundation, who will help with the actual housing process. I’ve got to say, George, this makes up for a lot.
So what happens if you and your family ends up living in the Lucas-funded low-income housing? What can you expect once construction is completed and you’ve got a new shot at life in a proper home for you and your loved ones? Well, we here at the MamaPop Alliance, located on a battle station that is definitely not a moon, have been lucky enough to obtain a copy of one of the leases Lucas is preparing for his future tenants. While it will be a modern and safe community, there are a couple of interesting rules and regulations we thought we should point out:
Your lease is subject to renewal on an annual-to-every-five-years basis. Each lease will contain extra features and additions that were not in previous leases, even though the last lease would have assuredly been the final lease and there would have certainly been nothing else to add to the lease. Every additional lease will be printed on state-of-the-art paper and copies will be available in your home, but, more than likely, not the exact copy that you would prefer to own. Lease renewals will become more frequent when it seems like lease-interest starts to die down.
While residents are free to dress the interiors of the windows in their home in any fashion that they choose, Lucas Homes reserves the right to enhance the outside of your window in any fashion deemed necessary. While your view will remain the same, Lucas Homes may add extra landscape, celestial bodies, flora, fauna, and wacky characters to your window, making it far superior than the view you previously enjoyed. Lucas Homes understands that you may have enjoyed your simpler and far more powerful view, but these new enhanced views were bought and paid for with Lucas money and we reserve the right to cram as much unnecessary crap on them as we see fit.
Tenants, by agreeing to live here, are giving up their rights to any and all merchandising related to their likenesses. Lucas homes reserves the option to reproduce the tenants likeness, based on popular demand, on any and all merchandising, including action figures, play sets, lunch boxes, t-shirts, Halloween costumes, novelty cereals, ladies’ undergarments, collectable figurines, specialty condiments, home pregnancy tests (The Force was Clearly IN You!), baby clothing, automotive transmissions, letterhead on legal documents, tattoos for nerds, and toasters.
Additional Subletters/Living Situations
Lucas Homes reserves the right to add in, or out and out replace, any and all tenants living in a Lucas Home. Depending on how we feel your current living situation is, we may update any of your family members or add in additional facets of your home life that, even though you held them to be dear, are now changed forever because we said so. We assure you that our ideas are better, even though everyone appeared to love the way it was in the first place. If any family member is deemed fit to be replaced with a computer generated animation, they will be forced to wear a green bodysuit until deemed no longer necessary.
Lucas Homes is proud to provide to all tenants a memorial garden in which community members can respect and remember their past loved ones. Flowers and memorial holograms of your loved ones will be generated for you at Lucas Homes’ expense. However, should it be deemed necessary, a different image shall take the place of your family member, and Lucas Homes reserves the right to do so without consent, even if the person we replace your loved one with is, in no way, recognizable to you.
In the event of an emergency, such as a fire, man-made event, or act of God, all tenants will be permitted to live temporarily in our emergency housing facility, located in George Lucas’ legendary throat waddle.
All kidding aside, good work George. You’ve earned exactly 45 seconds before people start complaining about you on the Internet again. What do you think Jedis and Jedettes of the Internet Empire? Kudos to George Lucas on this one? Would you live in Lucas Housing based on the stipulations above? Use the Force and share your feelings in the comments.