Well, I don’t know how it happened, but Miley Cyrus‘s coming-of-age comedy totally bombed at the box office last weekend. I mean, who would’ve thought people would opt to go see The Avengers instead of the timeless, surefire classic, LOL?
Rejected titles: SFTU, DTF, and MABC (My Achy-Breaky Career)
So, yeah. Apparently Miley Cyrus made this GEM of a film back in 2010, but Lionsgate delayed its release as bigger projects like the Hunger Games took precedence and, presumably, made everyone realize what a giant turd LOL was in comparison. In Lionsgate’s defense, LOL is based on a “popular” French film, and if there’s one thing that’s certain, it’s that the French know a good thing when they see it.
Sadly, the title of LOL is not close to being the most embarrassing thing about it: the film was only released in EIGHT STATES ( oh, you lucky dogs in California, Ohio, Illinois, Tennessee, Texas, Minnesota, Missouri, and Utah!), and it’s first weekend’s earnings totaled $46,500.
YOU GUYS. $46,500. $46,500. TOTAL. One theater in Ohio only had 12 patrons for the movie during AN ENTIRE WEEKEND. What I’m saying is, if you’re anywhere near a theater that’s showing LOL, now’s your chance to check “getting a handy in the movies” off your bucket list.
The plot of LOL is about what you’d expect: high school student Lola (Cyrus) — whose friends call her “LOL” for short because GROSS, OF COURSE THEY DO — breaks up with her boyfriend and then…hooks up with another guy? And fights with her Mom because she got a B in math? And goes to Paris for some reason? It’s all very confusing as presented here in this un-embeddable trailer (that is totally worth the cringe-y minute and 45 seconds, trust me), but maybe that’s just because I don’t share my name with a texting acronym.
I did, however, name my daughter BAMF.
The film also apparently contains some very “frank sexual discussions “between Lola and her mother, played by Demi Moore, and — HOLD UP. DEMI MOORE? Oh, gurl. It seems you were on the slippery slope to whip-its well before your marriage to Sir Douche-a-lot fell apart. I sincerely hope the release of this steaming pile doesn’t send you back into rehab, which will undoubtedly cost more than the money this movie made on its opening weekend OH MY GOD $46,500 I AM STILL NOT OVER IT.
The rest of the movie’s cast features a bizarre mix of talent: Nora Dunn, Fisher Stevens, Marlo effing Thomas, Gina Gershon, and Thomas Jane. Director Lisa Azuelos (who also directed the French version of LOL) just isn’t sure where they went wrong with this one, observing that “[u]sually teen movies are tender or scary or have vampires in them, but they’re never realistic. This story isn’t too dirty and not too stupid.” Yes, not too stupid — just stupid enough! Oh, Lisa. I cannot tell if you are really bad at endorsing your own films or just really good at keeping shit real.
For her part, Miley Cyrus seems pretty zen about the whole embarrassing release of LOL:
I mean, I guess I’d be just as zen if I were still rolling in my kajillions of Hannah Montana dollars, so this bomb is really no skin off her nose. I am just hoping against hope that this movie kicks off some sort of Miley meme that the Internet desperately needs.