Remember when Jon & Kate Gosselin captured America’s hearts and were beloved by all?
j/k that never happened.
Well, happily for those of us who aren’t Jon or Kate Gosselin (something we should all celebrate upon waking each morn), it seems the hideous tide of Gosselin Awareness is receding, and with any luck, our children will never know who they were and why we let them dominate pop culture for way beyond their fifteen minutes.
Or why someone with functional cognitive abilities would do something like this to her hair.
You may recall that earlier this year Royal Caribbean was touting a special Kate Gosselin-centric event on one of their cruise ships. For the bargain basement price of $1,900-$3,175 per ticket, enormous sad-sack losers ticket holders would be treated to such marvelous experiences as a “shore excursion with Kate” and “Fun fun family games with Kate” (oh, the promise of that second “fun”!). Sadly, Royal Caribbean recently canceled Kate’s event because of “poor turnout and low ticket sales,” something I take as the all-clear signal to go ahead and have hope for the human race after all.
Note to self: destroy all evidence of plans to construct a giant iceberg in Caribbean waters by August 2012.
Kate apparently called all the poor saps who did buy tickets in order to deliver the bad news herself, and once those two phone calls were completed, she went back to her current gig pushing discounts for Coupon Cabin. You can access the money-saving links on her blog (linked below), where she also shares the occasional tidbit of her personal life, as well as some of her favorite family recipes — complete with photos of the dish!
Actual photo of an original Gourmand Gosselin creation. I don’t know what’s going on up there, but…is that a child-proof doorknob cover?
Shut up. It’s a good source of protein.
As for Jon, he’s far too cool to be wasting time with coupons and home cooking. Nah, bro — a player like Jon has an image to uphold, and you know what that means: DJ-ing a middle school prom:
It’s not Jon who got big, it’s the folding tables that got small!!!
OK, so, to be fair, Jon was just being a good sport and helping his DJ girlfriend Liz Jannetta while she was on the job in Pottsville, PA, but still, it’s a far cry from the Vegas pool parties that he was guest hosting back in 2009.
You just know the film of Axe body spray on that pool water is about five inches thick.
Jon, who has been relying on a construction job to keep him in Ed Hardy shirts and aggressively mirrored sunglasses, began dating Liz earlier this year. Liz has three kids of her own, which brings the total of American children having to bear the burden of a Gosselin father figure to eleven.
The dysfunction goes to eleven!
I don’t know about you, but I am legitimately curious about where the Gosselins will be in, say, five more years. For their kids’ sakes (and for all of our sakes), I hope they continue to stabilize and stay out of the limelight and the tabloids. All six of the Gosselin spawn just turned eight years old, and that means they are well on their way to the rocky adolescent years, when they won’t need much of an excuse to go rebelliously apeshit in response to the slightest tension at home. I kind of hope they don’t disappear altogether, though. There’s a certain beauty in knowing that someday I might see Kate Gosselin on a Safe Auto commercial or keeping it real as the new face of Designer Imposters perfume spray.
Aim for the stars, Kate! Surly, middle-aged receptionists across the country are depending on you.
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