10 Things I Wish I’d Done Before The Zombie Apocalypse Began

06/01/2012 10:00 am by

There’s a lot I wish I had done in my life. Now, I’ll never get to do the most awesome things I had planned because the Zombie Apocalypse is upon us. We’ve been tipped off thanks to a rash of people EATING OTHER PEOPLE.

OH GOD YOU GUYS IT’S LEGIT. IT’S TIME NOW. I PLANNED FOR THIS MY WHOLE LIFE AND I’LL PROBABLY LAST LIKE, WHAT…5, 10 MINUTES TOPS? COME RAID MY HOUSE IF YOU WANT STOCKPILES OF TOP RAMEN. NOT APOCALYPTIC STOCKPILES, I JUST EAT IT A LOT.

There’s so much in my life that I’ll never get to do.

I wish I had...been friends with Tina Fey

1 tina fey 10 Things I Wish Id Done Before The Zombie Apocalypse Began
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Even for just one brief shiny moment.

What do you wish you had done?

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About Noa

Noa Gavin is a deliriously irreverent 20-something comedian who fears children, butterflies, and the death of Michael Bolton. When she’s not creeping out everyone who lives in her building, she’s writing at Oh Noa, scouting for The League of Funny Bitches, and working with her sketch team.

Filed Under: Current Events, Miley Cyrus, Pop Culture, Tina Fey, Zombification Tagged With: , , ,


From Our Partners

  • TMcGee

    I wish I had…met Josh Charles. I loves him!

  • MollyGMartin

    I wish I’d watched “The Wire.”. All the cool zombies will eat me last, though.

  • http://twitter.com/hpstrawberries Hannah

    /rant/

    I’m going to put on my Hat of Judgment and say that I’m disappointed at how many websites are making zombie jokes about the horrible news coming out of Miami. I realize that gallows humour is one way that people (myself included) come to terms with tragedy and horror, but honestly – there’s nothing funny about drug abuse, mental illness, and homelessness. 
    I’m a big fan of Mamapop. I’m also a fan of zombie apocalypse movies and the darker side of comedy. But the way the internet is making light of this situation really bothers me, and I’m honestly disappointed that one of my favourite sites has chosen to take the low road on this one.

    /end rant/

  • http://twitter.com/momofnandn Dawn Feakes-Lange

    You know what happens when you bungee jump?  Sharktopus, that’s what. 

  • HeatherMSM47

    The WHY NOT NOA and love of rich gingers made me snort coca cola out my nose….TWICE in rapid succession…..

    • NinaN2

      Ditto. Very confusing situation.

    • DianaCLT

      The victim is a homeless man. The attacker is assumed to have been under the influence of a drug referred to as Bath Salts because it’s a common drug in that area and has been known to make people violent, though there is suspicion of mental illness and the man did have a history of violence. Nobody knows what to do with the homeless victim. He literally has no face left. Eyes, nose, mouth are gone. Some have been suggesting facial transplant but only two have been done so far. He’s going to need lifelong care, is unlikely to have anyone to help him, and even more unlikely to have money to pay for medicines he’ll need for the rest of his life. Sickening and tragic story that I obviously read way too much about, yesterday.

  • http://www.youtube.com/KPopp KPopp

    I wish that when I went to the Kentucky Derby I had actually seen the horses racing.  Instead of what I did do, which was drink heavily and take pictures from the ground because I could not stand.

    Also, I read the Miami ‘zombie’ story and then later in the day I bought a few different bath salts from the grocery store.  I did not think much of it until now, but I really wonder how many people bought bath salts after reading that story.  I never even connected where I had got bath salts in my head from.  I did have a nice bath though… despite having a revolver near by.  Just in case I became a zombie and my boyfriend needed to deal with it.  My bath salts weren’t drugs but they were store brand.  So, who knows.