I’m still a little unsure of whether this is a joke or not, but apparently CBS has it out for ABC. BIG TIME.
After a very unsuccessful try at getting ABC’s new reality show, The Glass House, blocked from airing because it’s too similar to their own Big Brother, CBS has announced the worst show idea in the history of forever – Dancing on the Stars.
No, that is not a typo.
Yes, this is a real thing.
Also, yes, I am going to go die now. I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.
So, anyway, from what I understand, this is going to be a show with not-really celebrities that you may or may not know anything about dancing ON GRAVES in Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Also, CBS said that the show will be “an exciting and completely original reality program that owes its concept and execution to nobody at all.” — Washington Post
Uh-huh…yeah, guys? No one is buying that. At all.
NO ONE WANTS THIS, CBS! NO ONE. ANYWHERE. EVER. WTF?!
This is one of those ideas that shouldn’t be developed, but rather burned with fire and never spoken of again. This idea should be a lot like Fight Club in the sense that no one should evereverever talk about it. Ever.
The saddest part? I’m so disturbed that I will probably tune in if they really do it. Like, seriously, if they go through with this show? Hello, ratings! The shock value alone would drag in millions who want to watch something macabre and twisted and OHMYGOD cannot be happening, right? Not to mention the millions of other people that will be tuned-in for the same reason I’ll be tuned-in…which is to gawk at the craziness. Amirite?
I do , however, have to throw my two cents into the mix and offer some better ideas. I am pretty much the queen of coming up with show ideas. I am also the queen of television dislike, too, but that’s beside the point.
How about making something that doesn’t make me want to throw rotten vegetables and handfuls of popcorn at you, like a show about cute puppies? Or! Even better! Gift baskets. Yes. That’s always a good choice. People love gift baskets. People love them way more than dancing on top of dead people.
There is also room on TV for a show about handmade chain-maille jewelry. Let’s have some network craft shows! You could call it Medieval Crafts. I am so original that my mind is blowing itself. I would watch that show like my life depended on it.
No I wouldn’t. I lied.
But, if you’re still dead-set on banging this gem of an idea out, try making it a made-for-TV movie instead. It will obvi0usly be a horror flick on mainstream television, but you could always air it in the middle of the night when most people really want something scary and awful to watch. I’m thinking somewhere around 3 am, instead of the crazy infomercials or 12-year-old evangelical programming.
At the end of the day, though, even after all the nasty things I’ve said and the terrible show ideas I’ve tossed around, I do realize something: I realize that CBS is mad; I realize that CBS is usually the station that only has NCIS and Big Brother; I realize that CBS is super bummed out about always being the last one picked for the network dodge ball game.
It’s okay, CBS, I feel your pain. I’m the nerd that no one really likes (and I’m including family in this confession). But, even knowing that no one likes me and I’ll always be picked last, I’m not going to go out and make a bunch of people dance on the graves of some of the most well-known stars the world has ever known to make people like me.
Counter-productive, CBS. In every way. Also very scary and borderline insane. Okay, totally insane. I’m trying to give the underdog a chance, here, but it’s just not working.