On May 13, 2008, I became a mom. I had a pretty little bundle of screaming joy, and all was right and awesome with the universe. She was 6 lbs, 1.4 oz, and 21 inches of adorable. I, on the other hand, was a droopy mess of exhausted new mom who desperately needed a shower.
It’s been over four years and I still have the battle scars, but I’m a regular Jane Shmoe, not a celebrity. No one cares about my stretch marks or my less-than-flat stomach. It basically amounts to someone caring about the fire ants in my front yard (who are totally taking over, by the way).
Jessica Simpson, on the other hand, is a celebrity, and she’s back in the spotlight. No, not because of her career or her daughter, Maxwell. She’s back in the spotlight because, get this guys, SHE LEFT A GYM!
OH. MY. LEGGINGS.
I can’t help but wonder what all the fuss is about. She’s breastfeeding; She’s a normal mom who ate everything in her field of vision for nine months; She should’ve gone with sweats instead of leggings, but still.
It’s been about a month and a half since Jessica Simpson had her baby and the internet exploded, and with the C-section healing time and the new mom duties, I’m guessing the gym has been the farthest thing from her mind. I totally get that. I mean, the only thing on my mind after I had my daughter was getting enough sleep and trying to get her to sleep indoors.
Seriously, y’all, my daughter slept in her boppy chair for three weeks on the porch. I slept right next to her in the highly uncomfortable sleeping bag I borrowed from a friend. Hawaii, I was thankful to be in you.
But, like I said, she’s a celebrity. She can’t just be our fellow comrade-in-rattles, talking leaky boobs and midnight rocker sessions and cloth diapers vs disposable diapers with the rest of us poor, imperfect moms. And that’s a crying shame to me, because I’m sure she could use a friend or two right about now.
And y’all, just wait. It gets better!
It’s also been said that her fiancé, Eric Johnson, is turned-off by her normal postpartum blues about her body.
Dude, get over it. It happens. We all look in the mirror and wonder what happened to our bodies for a while. It’s just the way this whole mess works. Also, if my baby-daddy had said that to me, I would’ve thrown whatever heavy object lay close-at-hand. At his head. Hard. I’m just saying.
Let’s face it, Jessica Simpson is gorgeous. We all know this. She’s still the same woman we saw rockin’ those daisy dukes back in 2005 in The Dukes of Hazzard. That is never going to change. The only thing that has changed is she had a baby. She’s obviously working out, so I don’t know why everyone is harping on how she looks coming from the gym. Isn’t that like comparing late-night pajama runs to the kitchen to dressing for the red carpet?
No one can go to the gym once or twice and instantly look perfect. It takes time. Also, lots of willpower and hard work and OH MY GOD TAKE THE MIRRORS DOWN ALREADY I GET IT! She’s pretty busy with her clothing line, her relationship, and oh, yeah — her child. Sitting there calculating how many times a week she’s going to have to go to the gym to get her body back ASAP is just insane. Not everyone is worried about getting their body back as fast as possible (though starting the process just six weeks after giving birth should qualify as quick-like and in a hurry).
Some people are just along for the amazing ride that is new motherhood.
Well, I guess I should say that some people are just trying to cop a feel of that amazingly seductive cool side of the pillow, but the motherhood thing works, too.