Katy Perry’s 3-D movie Katy Perry: Part of Me is ready to hit theaters next weekend and she’s ready to get the damn thing over with so she can crash out on the couch and scratch at her weave. The movie is a documentary following last year’s “California Dreams” tour, and mixes live performance footage with behind-the-scenes moments of her incredibly intense schedule. It also touches on her (still ongoing) divorce from comedian Russell Brand. Drama and intrigue, music and mayhem, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria.
If you’re like me and you had no idea this was happening until today, let’s catch up:
Trailer notes: Okay, here we go. Dramatic opening. I are serious Kat, and this are serious movie. Cue news voice-overs and fame headlines. Tuning out the stock dialog, the footage is surprisingly intimate. In the limo (alone). On the stage (alone). In the dressing room, evidently breaking down in tears (alone). HEY stop tricking me into liking you! –Key/mood change! Now we’re seeing her as a child, makeup-less, candid. Slightly losing momentum with a staged interview quote, and then, “…Thank you so much for believing in my weirdness.” Wow. She looks… crazy dorky, in a great way. And happy? So much happy. Huh. Go figure.
I actually… I mean… for a documentary… Okay, it doesn’t look bad. There, I said it. I won’t be running out to the theater next week and throwing fistfuls of my cold hard-earned cash into the bucket of shame, but she’s at least got that Justin Bieber movie beat hands down the pants, and that thing made a sickening amount of money. If Katy Perry can’t at least give the Biebs a little run/jog/mall-walk for his money I will weep for the future of humanity. Get me a space machine, it’s time to die.
She’s out promoting the movie’s eminent release this week, including a glitzy star-studded opening night at the Chinese Theater attended by Selena Gomez, Carly Rae Jepsen and Victoria Justice and some other people I also have never heard of that no one bothered to list in alphabetical order. She shared a bit about her anticipation as fans see the movie for the first time: “I guess some of it is just hopefully an inspiration for people. When they see it, they are like, ‘Oh, yeah, she goes through some sh– too. I can’t dodge life’s curve balls if Katy Perry can’t dodge life’s curve balls.’ ” That seems like an …odd message, but I guess?
Important life lessons from Katy Perry:
The universe craps on all people equally.
But everything will be okay, because I can put cotton candy in my mouth.
In the past year she’s had a 124-date world tour, filmed and helped edit her documentary, put in an endless number of public appearances, gotten married, annnnd divorced. And the year before that? First woman to have five number one singles in one album. On the red (pink) carpet she mentioned she’s ready for a break. Oh for crap’s sake girl, GO LAY DOWN. I don’t blame her one bit if she’s burned out on glittery bustiers and hair dye. Sometimes I have to lay down for five or six hours after I go to Costco. No shame, Katy, no shame.
In short, she’s looking forward to some post-movie down time. “I’m gonna unplug, take my hair extensions out, feel my head again. I’m gonna unplug and recharge, if that makes any sense,” she said. In one of my favorite celebrity quotes ever, she also mentioned she’s aware that the general public is probably as tired of hearing about her as she is of hearing about herself. “I’m gonna go away. I’m sure you know it’s time for me to go the f— away.”
Fine Katy, YOU WIN. I like you. And I’ll watch your stupid movie*.