Once upon a time when I was a wide-eyed college freshman, a good friend of mine decided she wanted to enjoy the talents of a male stripper for her birthday celebration. Being a devoted pal, I did my best to make this dream a reality: bringing the stripper to our all-girls dorm as my guest, signing him in at the front desk as per dorm policy, and escorting him upstairs with me to my friend’s room, where everyone waited anxiously with their smuggled bottles of Zima.
Oh, and the stripper was dressed as a police officer the entire time. I never said it was subtle.
After a raucous 20 minutes or so of partying, we were, of course, completely busted. Everyone got written up except for me, because I told the RA that I had to escort my guest back to the lobby and pay him–which I did–and then I got the hell out of there and didn’t come back until the next morning. Moral of the story, kids: authority figures are pretty easy to trick when you’re standing next to a guy in a g-string and a fake badge.
Ever since that evening, I’ve had a soft spot in my heart for the male strippers of this world, which is why I was immediately drawn in whenever I first saw this trailer for the upcoming Channing Tatum flick, Magic Mike:
Yes, it was my sense of nostalgia that drew me into this video. Nothing else. Shut up.
Judging from that short trailer alone, it seemed like this film had real potential: I’ve heard good things about Channing Tatum’s comic timing in the 21 Jump Street remake, I got a certain Boogie Nights vibe from the subject matter, and…Matthew McConaughey, right? I mean…he usually does pretty good movies, doesn’t he?
I decided to watch a longer trailer, and this is what I found:
Honestly, I don’t know what to think. The short trailer looks fun, the long trailer does nothing to convince me that Channing Tatum isn’t comprised entirely of cardboard. Well, you know what we have to do here: make a list of pros and cons. It’s the only way to figure out how we feel about this movie, Internet! How else are we going to move forward with our lives?!
We’re going to get through this together.
THE OFFICIAL ‘MAGIC MIKE’ DECISION MAKING PROS AND CONS LIST, SERIOUS BUSINESS:
- It’s directed by Academy award-winner Steven Soderbergh.
- Reno 911/Bridesmaids co-star Wendi McLendon-Covey is in it, and she is sure to be thoroughly awesome.
- It has the potential to be a fun Boogie Nights/Showgirls mash-up of sorts (DO NOT RUIN THIS FOR US, SCREENWRITERS)
- Should be a boon for the male stripper industry, and we will all hopefully see a resurgence of strippers in our bachelorette parties, baby showers, and 50th wedding anniversary celebrations, AS GOD INTENDED.
- Nearly naked gyrating dudes. I’ll take it.
- Steven Soderbergh is partially responsible for Julia Roberts’ performance in Erin Brockovich, which means he’s partially responsible for her insanely irritating Oscar acceptance speech, and I’m sorry Steven, that’s not cool.
- If you go to see this movie, you will undoubtedly be surrounded by hundreds of “WOOO!”-ing ladies half in the bag from happy hour Cosmopolitans, and as someone who went to see the Sex and the City movie in the theater, I can tell you that…you do not want to do that to yourself.
- Are we sure Channing Tatum isn’t made of cardboard? Or at least particle board?
- I fear that we, as a society, have already seen way too much of Matthew McConaughey’s chest over the years.
- O NOES! Channing’s former stripper pals are claiming that he stole their moves and one of their nicknames (the titular “Magic Mike”) (heh — I said “titular”) for the movie. I’m not exactly sure how one “steals” stripper moves, though. Aren’t those pretty much public domain these days? Don’t we all know how to seductively rip off our tearaway chaps? How else are you people conceiving babies?!
DANGIT! We’re tied. I guess the only way to know for sure about Magic Mike is to brave the girl-drink-drunk hordes and go see it when it opens on June 29th. The things I do for pop culture.
I may have to draw the line at “yellow crop-top and spandex short-shorts.” NOT ALRIGHT-ALRIGHT-ALRIGHT.