10 Movies I Should Never Have Been Allowed To Watch As A Child

07/25/2012 10:00 am by Kristine Cook

A few weeks ago, my husband and I took the kids to see Brave. I didn’t know there would be a scene that included a mother turning into a bear and TRYING TO EAT HER DAUGHTER, so my three-year-old was utterly terrified and I had to take him out of the theater. Bad mom, right?

It makes me think of my own childhood though…because, you know what? I watched some seriously fucked up shit. AND NO ONE TOOK ME OUT OF THE THEATER.

The hell, Mom?

1. Return to Oz

Who WROTE this movie? It was virtually nothing like the original in that there was no happiness and rainbows or munchkins or hot air balloons. No, just DARKNESS AND TERROR AND FREAKISH TYPE THINGS THAT WILL HURT YOU.

And my dad started calling me Pumpkinhead after this movie, if I remember correctly. I don’t…know why he would do that to me.

2. Project X

I think I can best wrap up my trauma thusly: ADORABLE DYING MONKEYS. MOMMY WHY WON’T THEY SAVE THE MONKEYS? WHY MOMMY OH GOD WHY!?

3. Alice in Wonderland

Although it doesn’t look all that menacing NOW, the Cheshire Cat took my favorite two colors in the world and turned them into the stuff of NIGHTMARES. That dude was creepy…shifty, even. The unpredictable nature led me to believe the damn cat was going to pop up in my bedroom nearly every night.

4. Howard the Duck

Okay, so, as a kid? I remember LOVING this movie. Like, I ALLOWED people to call me Howard the Duck in elementary school (my last name was Howard), because, hey! that movie was awesome! I’m practically Hollywood, baby!

Um, no.

Because a quick refresher of this film–with my clearly dysfunctional adult perspective–reveals that it’s a movie about AN ALIEN DUCK that gets busy with A HUMAN GIRL. Plus, I’m pretty sure there’s lots of heavy boozing.

5. Back to the Future

Hmm, where to start with this one? Perhaps the date rape scene? Or the general mistreatment of women and their inability to save themselves? How about he Oedipal complex story line? Or maybe George’s voyeurism? Yep, GREAT FAMILY FLICK.

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About Kristine Cook

Kristine knows who Arcade Fire is. Sadly, she is also familiar with Teresa Giudice's bubbies, Justin Bieber's hair, and Kanye's tweeting habits. She blogs at Wait in the Van

Filed Under: 80s, Best Of MamaPop, Horror, Movies, Nostalgia, Rainbows, Top 10(ish) List Tagged With: 1980s movies, 1980s Nostalgia, 80s Movies, Alice in Wonderland, An American Tale, back to the future, family movies, ghostbusters, Gremlins, howard the duck, kids movies, Project X, Return to Oz, The Great Muppet Caper, The Neverending Story, weird science

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http://www.facebook.com/people/Amie-Kitchen/540433316 Amie Kitchen
My mother, in her infinite wisdom, took my four-year-old self with her to the theater when An American Werewolf in London came out. I guess she thought I wouldn’t be able to remember/comprehend what was going on. She guessed wrong. It doesn’t take much to comprehend, “GIANT WOLF-THING EATING PEOPLE! BLOOD! CREEPY TWISTING BODIES! NEVER SLEEPING AGAIN!”
Between that, and the same year bringing me to a special showing of…Halloween…my childhood was pretty damn scarred.
- frogprof
  That one STILL gives me the heebie-jeebies. Especially the creepy Yorkshire denizens … and I LOVE Yorkshire. But that movie ruined it for me.
http://www.facebook.com/brittanybarefield Brittany Barefield
I was not the kid that had frequent nightmares, but when I did, they always involved gremlins.
http://www.amalah.com Amalah
We had to bail on Brave too! My six-year-old AND my three-year-old were completely, utterly terrified. Thanks for the completely misleading trailers, Pixar.
When I was a kid I didn’t wait for an adult to take me out of the theater. I would just get up and RUN. My mom would then chase after me and corral me in the lobby. I fled from both Superman 3 and Pinocchio.
- http://www.waitinthevan.com Kristine
  OOOHHH, Pinocchio! I forgot about that one. That was terrifying, too.
- Rapids444
  Pinocchio was awful! I was scared silly of it! My poor brother who was 5 years older than I took me and I’m sure he was thinking what did mom & dad get me into???
Erin
One of my earliest memories is watching ET in the movie theater. Or, more accurately, spending the entire movie curled up in a fetal position on my mom’s lap begging her to take me home. I had nightmares for decades and still have an alien phobia.
- http://www.waitinthevan.com Kristine
  ET is one of the few I don’t remember, for some reason. Probably PTSD.
Average Jane
The only reason Return to Oz didn’t scare me is that I’d already read all the books and none of the scary stuff was a surprise.
Tyskkvinna
Incidentally, I do not ever remember leaving the cinema and my mom doesn’t remember it happening, either… so either I was not bothered by the movies or I have blocked it hardcore and just went into my imagination during the wait. Could go either way. I remember seeing a lot of these, and I remember overhearing the adults talk about them and enjoy them. I am pretty sure my under-10 self would have just described it as “grown ups are weird…”
http://twitter.com/TwoBusy TwoBusy
Jaws.
Not that it made a long-term impression on me, or anything.
http://twitter.com/thegrumbles the grumbles
Return to Oz was FUCKED UP. My Mom, evidently unaware that all animated shows are not suitable for children, let me watch Cool World repeatedly, followed by Wizards, which is a cult film about naked fairies and Nazi invaders. Probably explains a lot about me.
NutHouseShannon
I was EIGHT when my parents took me to see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. I don’t think I need to elaborate any further on that one.
- http://www.waitinthevan.com Kristine
  YES, I remember that one scaring me too…I must have blocked most of it out.
Rapids444
Besides Pinocchio I couldn’t take the damn flying monkeys in the first Oz. I think I would’ve gone off a cliff over those characters in Return to Oz. Jeez…. PS I still can’t stand Oz…………….
http://twitter.com/JenO_Eh Jen O.
I accidentally let my kids watch Jurassic Park a few years ago. I say accidentally because I wasn’t aware how much of a wuss my oldest is (I think she was 4 at the time, so I’m totally kidding – I had just forgotten how frightening some of those scenes can be). That movie seriously destroyed her for months afterwards.
My sister is still, to this day, terrified of those guys with the wheelie hands from Return to Oz. Because I’m fantastic, every once in a while I pretend to have those same hands and that sends her crying out of the room.
Rachel Matthews
Just sitting here thinking how I watched ALL these movies ;-) LOL
The first time my kids watched Return To OZ, my daughter told my then 3 yo that the wheels on his bed turned into Wheelers at night – yep that was fun (headdesk)
:-)
Mir
Uh, “Big” came on television a few months ago and I was all “YOU GUYS I LOVED THIS MOVIE COME WATCH!” My children were perfectly okay with it right up until Tom Hanks — who, let’s not forget, was really just a 12-year-old boy — got it on with his ladyfriend. Aaaaand… at the end she’s not even freaked out or anything, just sad that he has to go? YAY PEDOPHILIA!
- DianaCLT
  THANK YOU for saying this! I’ve been bringing this up a LOT lately, and nobody else seems as squicked out about it. I honestly don’t know if I could watch it as an adult. It is just so WRONG.
- http://twitter.com/rachelereyna Messy Kids
  That’s the first thing I thought when I rewatched it as an adult. That scene really creeps me out now although as a kid, I didn’t think about it.
nadine
The only time I had to leave the theatre as a kid was during Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. When Augustus Gloop drowned in the chocolate river? That was it for me. The other movie that my parents took me to (and let me see every summer subsequently as it was always playing in the movie theatre at the lake) was Grease. As a kid I had NO idea it was so sexual, but when I saw it again even five years later (and was able to understand what was happening) I was so surprised that they would have taken us.
- Lucky Earring
  Right? Pussy Wagon???
Clarabella
I wept relentlessly through both Bambi & E.T., yet Mom didn’t take me out of the theater. Also, Return to Oz traumatized me. I still have never re-watched it or read the books. TERRIFYING.
Also, although I LOVED the movie, I had nightmares about Skexis for YEARS because I insisted on watching The Dark Crystal all. the. time.
- Lucky Earring
  Dark Crystal 4 Life
Arnebya
I will add to this The Goonies (Sloth scared me. What? I was a sensitive child) and Little Monsters (because let’s make a movie about monsters under the bed FOR KIDS).
I LOVED The Neverending Story (mainly Falkor (why do I remember his name?) the luck dragon)) but not the dog in the cave with just the eyes showing MOMMY WHY. I don’t remember my parents showing me movies they thought I could handle. I do, however, recall sneaking into their room to watch Salem’s Lot. Let’s just say it’s been 32 years and I’ve still never watched the full movie because fuck you Stephen King. I try to get my girls to watch shit from the 80s and they’re all the hell is this, it’s so poorly made, where’s the focusable lighting ratio?
- HeatherMSM47
  Holy shit, little monsters…….the name actually made me break out in cold sweat and made me chant out loud ” I am an adult now….” over and over….TRAUMA!
Beverly
Watcher in the Woods!!! A PG Disney movie that still haunts me. My parents thought if it was Disney it was okay and left me alone in the room with this movie. Terrifying!
- Amberlori
  Oh yes, I remember that movie! Terrified me as well!
gorillabuns
Animal Porn….. Howard the Duck plain grossed me out. I was always wondering about the logistics of it all.
http://twitter.com/cadykansas Jenny Meade
Indiana Jones and the The Lost Ark – the guys face melts off! I didn’t forgive my mother for that for MONTHS. Also, Han Solo getting bronzed/frozen WHATEVER, I was balling hiccupping all the way to the car. I guess my mom had a thing for Harrison Ford because those were the only two movies I remember seeing in a theater at that age.
- DeniDee
  Haha, I hope you meant “bawling”, because if you were “balling all the way to the car”, well, that’s a whole different mental image!
Hollypainyo
Falkor never bothered me, but Atreyu’s horse drowning in mud? Yeah, he lost his horse and i lost my shit.
I agree with Return to Oz as well. I recently rewatched it to see if it was as creepy as I remember or if it had reached the point of campus and hokey by now. Nope, still creepy.
Let’s not even talk about Pinnochio.*shudder*
- HeatherMSM47
  My brother and I have a running joke to this day about how he should have snuffed out that glowing sand speck that is Fantasia after she said SHE KNEW HIS HORSE WOULD DIE…..
- http://www.amalah.com Amalah
  I walked out on Neverending Story when the horse died. Like, got up and ran away shrieking and sobbing.
  I should mention that we were watching it at SCHOOL, in the FOURTH GRADE. Did wonders for my popularity, as you can imagine.
  - Ann
    I did exactly the same thing only at a friend’s birthday party instead of school. I ran from the room and begged my friend’s mom to let me go home. I remember having vivid nightmares of people/pets/ things I love drowning slowly in quicksand. It wasn’t until several years later I found out the movie has a happy ending.
    My mom also rented “The Velveteen Rabbit” for me when I managed to baffle my doctor and actually catch scarlet fever. She popped it in the VCR and explained “The little boy in this movie has the same thing you do” I thought men in white coats were going to come burn all my toys.
- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=728010665 Genevieve Schiller
  The wolf was what gave me nightmares. I saw this movie at a birthday party/sleepover, and made my mom come get me.
- http://twitter.com/rachelereyna Messy Kids
  I lost my shit with the horse too. It was soooo sad! The wolf scared my pants off too.
http://twitter.com/MajorBedhead MajorBedhead
I remember going to see a re-showing of Fantasia with my school – I was probably in 2nd or 3rd grade – and freaking the fuck out over the scene that uses Night On Bald Mountain music. Since I went to a Catholic school, I forever associated nuns in full habit with that scene. Needless to say, school was kind of traumatizing after that.
Also? The queen/witch in Snow White terrified me.
lisa
don’t be afraid of the dark. the 1970′s version. OMG. the remake? eh, no worries. The original, which I haven’t seen in 20 some odd years STILL freaks me the hell out. i somehow saw this after I snuck downstairs and it was on the saturday late movie. UGH.
Mad Merlot Mama
Mine was Fantasia. At first I was like FAIRIES! FLOWERS AND FISH DANCING! HORSES AND CHERUBS OMG YAYYY! And then yeah…that scene on Dark Mountain? Totally contributed to my TOTALLY NOT IRRATIONAL AT ALL fear that when Mommy turns out the lights, Satan comes and unleashes Hell in your bedroom. Unless you have the covers over your head, sweating like Jessica Simpson taking her GED. Then you’re totally safe. Oh, and when I was ten I was allowed to watch a horror version of Phantom of the Opera. Lesson: if he’s ugly, he’ll totally try to straight up MURDER your ass. Solution? Date only cute guys, like Peter Pan.
http://www.facebook.com/rbrothershopkins Rebecca Brothers-Hopkins
Ok, I am beginning to think being terrified by Brave is a gender thing. Everyone I know who took their sons ended up leaving; however, my three and six year old daughters loved it hard. I didn’t even have to entertain the younger one near the end like I usually do at the theater. They were on the edge of their seats and then talked about it for DAYS. And it isn’t that my girls are exceptionally brave: I had to take plants vs zombies off my computer because even knowing it was there freaked the six year old out hardcore.
As for terrifying childhood movies, I still cannot watch ET. I avoided Reeses’ Pieces for most of my childhood. The glowing finger freaks me out so much I avoid the ride at Universal Studios. My mother was terrified of The Wizard of Oz so much that we were not allowed to watch it; I didn’t see it until I was a teenager. Of course, my kids and I love it.
- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=728010665 Genevieve Schiller
  I had to comfort my 5 year old son throughout the movie, but my friend’s three daughter (8,5,3) were fine. Perhaps little girls are ok with Mom turning into a bear and going away forever?
issascrazyworld
I remember being terrified in the theater a few times as a kid. Willow? No one should ever see that movie. BeetleJuice. As much as I loved it even then, it freaked me out.
- HeatherMSM47
  Willow! Yes the whole kill the baby thing messed me up!
  - issascrazyworld
    I was maybe eight years old. Maybe still seven. Sooooo not cool.
    - HeatherMSM47
      I was 4! Wtf were my parents thinking
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000215449796 Kris Washburn
THe movie that I had to deal with was Poltergiest. That was, horrible. Clowns… UGH!!
- http://twitter.com/rachelereyna Messy Kids
  My mom thought it was a good move to take me to see that movie at the drive in when I was 3! She also took me to see The Shining (the same year I think). I couldn’t watch horror movies until I was adult because of it. Really screwed me up!
anymommy
I still hate Gremlins. I’m 39.
http://twitter.com/mellydpdx Melissa
Poltergeist (which still has me terrified of clowns under the bed) and Project X (or any movie that had an animal hurt/dying)
- GirlWithTheKittenTattoo
  That scene where his face is coming off like meat was horrifying!
die Frau
Agree with a lot of these, especially Return to Oz and Project X. I saw that when I was about nine and I STILL can’t watch it 25 years later. I won’t do it. I saw Ghostbusters in the theater with my dad and spent the majority of the movie curled up in his lap, scared out of my child mind. I slept with my head under the covers for MONTHS afterward. Similar reaction to Raiders of the Lost Ark. I have VIVID memories of the face melting.
When I was at summer camp at age 11, they had us watch Children of the Corn…and then wouldn’t let me leave because I wasn’t allowed to be unsupervised on my own. There are so many things wrong with that.
http://www.stirfryawesomeness.com/ Tracie
I saw Jaws with my teen baby sitter when I was five. No wonder I never learned to swim.
http://twitter.com/momofnandn Dawn Feakes-Lange
When I was 10 and my sisters were 8 and 5, my grandmother took us to see ‘Romancing of the Stone’. I’m…still not sure of the rationale behind this but will never ever not be able to see Michael Douglas’s sex scene at the thought of that movie.
http://twitter.com/midlifemixtape Nancy Davis Kho
I have a very clear memory of my parents taking me to see The Birds by Alfred Hitchcock when I was small, but knowing my parents as I do I am quite sure they would have NEVER done that. So why such a strong memory? Was it a trailer? Did someone ELSE’S parents take me? Either way, whenever I drive through the nearby town of Bodega Bay where the movie was filmed, I cringe the whole time.
Sherri
The Hobbit, the animated version of course. I cannot handle Gollum. All 3 of my siblings mastered the art of sneaking up behind me and hissing “my precious..”. And knowing it scared me to death my parents made watching it a mandatory yearly family event. Wtf mom and dad?
Pinocchio and the gremlins also still get me. Just super creepy, all of it. We watched “It” as a family when it came on as a mini-series too. How was that family appropriate? I’m still afraid of storm drains.
http://twitter.com/_kateCouture Katey G
I still have Little Nimo on VHS. I loved it. I was a weird kid.
DianaCLT
Those effing Oompa Loompas! I hear you. They haunted my childhood ass, alongside the effing Poltergeist clown and Wizard of Oz’ flying monkeys. BLARGHHHHH!!!!!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=728010665 Genevieve Schiller
Willow–the dogs are chasing a woman and baby… to KILL and possibly EAT!
The Fox & The Hound — The old man wanted to SHOOT his best friend. I still haven’t seen past that part and I refuse to buy it for my own children.
KMC
Maybe it’s because I’m a little older, but I don’t remember being taken to movies until I was at least 7 or 8, and those were Disney (The Love Bug, etc) or musicals (Sound of Music, etc.) But I do remember having a huge crush on Leonard Nimoy and conning my mom into taking me to see “Catlow” (post-Trek). What we didn’t realize was that Nimoy had a scene of full (back) nudity! Had I been a little older I might have appreciated it…I was young and innocent enough to be freaked (my mom thought my reaction…sliding down in my seat…was hilarious)
But I do remember sitting alone (for some reason) in the living room watching the original Night Stalker (Kolchak) movie…scared me witless.
Amy
My parents showed me and my brother Porkey’s. 1,2 AND 3. It only occurred to them that that was a bad idea when I started quoting lines from it to their friends. I was probably 8 or so.
My favorite part of all of this was when my mom questioned me showing my then-five-year-old son the Justice League cartoons because they were “too violent.” Really? Boobs and sex scenes were ok but Superman and Batman weren’t? SMH.
http://twitter.com/easyqueenie Sophie Brown
Jumanji. I have no idea why but that film freaked the HELL out of me as a kid. To put this into perspective my mother, for some reason known only to herself, had me watch the Omen movies when I was six and I was a devoted X-Files fan from the age of seven – no problems on either count. Creepy jungle-based board games? Scared to death.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_BJ65LLJI6OOKT7NR4SLMWO2XZA Dazee
Well, some of these aren’t kids movies. But I watched all of them growing up, except for maybe Project X, can’t say I recall that. But I loved them all, and still do to this day, including some darker ones, Legend anyone?
The only movie I can think of that I watched when I was younger (about 12-14 range) that I watched that made me so uncomfortable that I wanted to turn it off and walk away was Devil’s Advocate. Though I still thought it was a really awesome movie. Maybe I’m just a little messed up. And I’m fine with that.
http://twitter.com/rachelereyna Messy Kids
I saw all those movies as a kid in the theater except Project X and Howard the Duck. I loved Gremlins but I remember always checking under the bed to make sure there weren’t any hiding there. Then when it came out on video, I would watch it at my grandmother’s house and would jump off the bed when it was over because I was afraid there would be a gremlin under it….yet I still watched it frequently. I guess it was funny enough to keep me interested but scary enough to creep me out.
Bowler Hat Gal
Ok, this wasn’t scary, but talk about inappropriate … my parents took me to see History of the World Part I just after I turned 12. In what universe does a 12 yr old belong at a Mel Brooks movie? After each joke my mom would ask me if I had understood it. I told her no, I was sleeping… No desire to ever see that movie again!
http://www.facebook.com/damien.fox.391 Damien Fox
First movie that gave me the heebie-jeebies that I -remember- was Bedknobs and Broomsticks. I kept begging my mom to leave, but because we were with a group, she insisted we couldn’t go. >_< [they played it I think at her college when I was 8 or 9, I didn't see it in 1971 lol, wasn't born yet]
While I saw Tron in the theater when I was 3, and Master Control Program made me cry, I wouldn't leave. My parents actually asked if I wanted to, and I was like "nonononono" XD
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=658939287 Margaret O’Brien Dilloway
I saw The Omen, for some reason, when I was little and it gave me nightmares about demons and Satan for like five years.
But the most scarring thing was probably Benny Hill. All I remember was a dirty old man chasing scantily clad young ladies.
http://technicalluddite.com/ Hannele Kormano
First Neverending Story was fine for me, but for some reason I was terrified of the second – the main character joining the dark side? Whaaat? Betraying friends, loved ones, giving up memories?
Also, Ernest Scared Stupid – real monsters in the closet, living in the shadows, that feast off your energy and turn you into wooden dolls! They even did it to Ernest’s dog!
me
I know these aren’t kids movies but some genius (not my parents though, probably my older sister or the nanny) allowed me to watch The Omen when I was 7. For years I was convinced Damien and that dog were going to come into my room and turn me into a minion of the Antichrist. My mum would wake up in the middle of the night to find me clutched tightly around her legs cutting off her oxygen. I also watched The Exorcist and that shit scarred me for life.
I’m in my 30s and I still can’t watch The Omen or The Exorcist.
Dquenqua
Time Bandits a kid gets to go through time and space with a bunch of migets to steel treasure. What a great concept for a kids movie! Wrong. I’m not going to go into detail but the moral of the story I think is don’t go on an adventure because your house will be burnt down and your parents will abandon you.!? WTF! This movie really messed me up.