A few weeks ago, my husband and I took the kids to see Brave. I didn’t know there would be a scene that included a mother turning into a bear and TRYING TO EAT HER DAUGHTER, so my three-year-old was utterly terrified and I had to take him out of the theater. Bad mom, right?
It makes me think of my own childhood though…because, you know what? I watched some seriously fucked up shit. AND NO ONE TOOK ME OUT OF THE THEATER.
The hell, Mom?
1. Return to Oz
Who WROTE this movie? It was virtually nothing like the original in that there was no happiness and rainbows or munchkins or hot air balloons. No, just DARKNESS AND TERROR AND FREAKISH TYPE THINGS THAT WILL HURT YOU.
And my dad started calling me Pumpkinhead after this movie, if I remember correctly. I don’t…know why he would do that to me.
2. Project X
I think I can best wrap up my trauma thusly: ADORABLE DYING MONKEYS. MOMMY WHY WON’T THEY SAVE THE MONKEYS? WHY MOMMY OH GOD WHY!?
3. Alice in Wonderland
Although it doesn’t look all that menacing NOW, the Cheshire Cat took my favorite two colors in the world and turned them into the stuff of NIGHTMARES. That dude was creepy…shifty, even. The unpredictable nature led me to believe the damn cat was going to pop up in my bedroom nearly every night.
4. Howard the Duck
Okay, so, as a kid? I remember LOVING this movie. Like, I ALLOWED people to call me Howard the Duck in elementary school (my last name was Howard), because, hey! that movie was awesome! I’m practically Hollywood, baby!
Because a quick refresher of this film–with my clearly dysfunctional adult perspective–reveals that it’s a movie about AN ALIEN DUCK that gets busy with A HUMAN GIRL. Plus, I’m pretty sure there’s lots of heavy boozing.
5. Back to the Future
Hmm, where to start with this one? Perhaps the date rape scene? Or the general mistreatment of women and their inability to save themselves? How about he Oedipal complex story line? Or maybe George’s voyeurism? Yep, GREAT FAMILY FLICK.
More on Page 2!
Pages: 1 2