You think you’re excited to see The Dark Knight Rises? Imagine Mitt Romney’s delight. After all, being your party’s presumptive nominee for President of the United States is one thing. Inspiring a Batman villain is quite another.
Yesterday conservative talk radio host Rush Limbaugh ran out of other people’s ovaries to talk about and took a dig at the name of Batman’s steely-faced nemesis who makes his debut in the latest in Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight films: Bane. In case you’ve been on vacation from Earth, GOP Presidential hopeful and all-around charisma machine Mitt Romney is battling allegations that he lied about the timing of his involvement with Bain Capital. Some allege that Romney stepped down from the board of Bain Capital after the firm allegedly engaged in the sort of predatory, lay-off-happy, icky behavior that people do tend to love about financiers. Allegedly.
Obvy this is no conspiracy. Batman Bane first appeared in comics in 1993 and Nolan reportedly first sketched the script in 2008, returning to finish it in 2010. And, even more obviously, Rush Limbaugh has been bored stiff since he ran out of passersby to call “SLUT!” It was time for him to stir the pot. But this whole rigamarole–and how quick we were to write off the idea–begs the question: why wouldn’t Mitt Romney and his Bain buddies make good Batman villains?
Consider the parallels:
- Batman foe Bane was born in prison and forced to serve out his father’s sentence.
- Bain is a Boston venture capital firm where I’m confident there’s at least one dude doing a job for Daddy.
- In other news, Romney knows a thing or two about paying for things your Daddy said.
- Bane is famous in comic book lore for being the man who broke the Bat, paralyzing the Dark Knight.
- Bain allegedly helped some people go broke and, presumably, batshit crazy.
- And surely Romney broke some Bain colleagues’ hearts by disavowing them?
- Knowing it would be a fool’s errand to take on Batman all by his lonesome, Bane helped other villains bust out of Arkham Asylum to fight the guy.
- Bain Capital is rumored to have unleashed a joker or two on some unsuspecting folks.
- Romney is very big on paying jokers to do things for him. It’s his job creation plan.
- Bane wears a mask that allows him to inhale analgesic medication to manage his pain.
- It can be painful to watch Romney manage his mask.
- *Fine, I ran out of Bain jokes. But I ran out of jokes when I said I did. Not sooner. Not later.*
I don’t mean to get all political on ya, MamaPop readers. This is less about Mitt Romney than the incredible hubris of assuming that every message, every coincidence, EVERY MOVIE FOLLOWING THE ADVENTURES OF A SUPER RICH GUY WITH A BONE TO PICK AND A COOL SUIT is about your guy. I mean, who do you think you are? On a week when we should all be bound together by something bigger. Something universal. Something meaningful. Like paying $10 bucks to watch an imaginary playboy bat!