Having the public scrutinize every word you utter is taxing. Ask any POTUS that’s ever walked into the Oval Office and they’ll tell you that a major gaff is inevitable. Consider the burden placed on celebrities to mind their words when they—presumably, although the jury remains out—possess far less talent for public speaking and avoiding mock-worthy statements.
Should we cut them a break? Nah. Fame is a bitch. Let’s see what inane drivel has escaped their pretty little lips on the subject of parenting lately.
Marilyn Manson, recently interviewed on tour promoting his new album Born Villian, waxed poetic about fatherhood. Depending on your definition of poetic. The 43-year-old rocker told The Observer, “… I wouldn’t mind passing my demented genius on to some small thing who can set fire and breathe profanity.”
1) Demented genius is debatable, but confidence is always helpful in raising children; 2) Breathing profanity I can get behind. My kids have been known to breathe a little profanity now and then; 3) Setting fire? He’s lost me. I’m going to assume he meant less playing with matches and more to the soul. A little baby Manson who will set fire to his father’s soul. Sure he did.
Everyone’s favorite New Jersey train wreck, Snooki, and her fiancé Jionni LaValle are expecting their first child in September, a little boy they plan to name Lorenzo.
No don’t worry, the baby is still in the Snooki—it is not suffocating under a case of Coors. This picture was snapped in Seaside Heights in early July, just two weeks after Snooki told ABC in an exclusive interview: “Pregnant people shouldn’t be in a bar, I feel. All my friends are like, ‘you can have a glass of wine.’ I’m like, ‘No.’ I refuse because I’m going to be that person that has a glass of wine and [the] baby comes out with three legs.”
Wise, wise words. Like, totally. No bars. Here baby, carry my beer outside. Snooki explained the picture this week.
I don’t know why that picture’s a big deal. We were having a bonfire and everyone was carrying the tables and the chairs. Obviously I cannot lift anything like that, because I’m pregnant, so I decided to use my stroller and everyone put everything that they wanted [in it]. Drinks and stuff. And then I strolled it down to the beach. Obviously I wasn’t drinking it. People just take me way too seriously.
We agree completely on one thing, people take her waaaaay toooo seriously. But I’m still struggling with a small detail. OMFG, WHY DID YOU HAVE A STROLLER IN THE FIRST PLACE? THE BABY IS STILL INTERNALLY PORTABLE.
I must give credit for some semblance of sanity where credit is due. When asked about giving birth on Live! With Kelly, Snooki said, “I’m scared, I don’t think anyone is ever prepared.” Amen, sweet girl. My advice? Don’t put the baby under the beer. Baby on top, always.
And finally, wrapping up this week’s asinine celebrity commentary, Heidi Klum raises the asses of the future with this gem on teaching her four kids (Leni, 8, Henry, 6, Johan, 5, and Lou, 2) about fashion: “Rule No. 1 is always to look cool, and rule No. 2 is don’t forget about rule No. 1.”
Really, Heidi? That’s your number one rule? My number one rule is kindness or possibly no hitting.
Unfair! I hear you cry. She’s talking about fashion rules. Fine. My number one fashion rule for my small children is: Wear underwear. Clean underwear.
I willingly admit that I am not into fashion or “cool” whatever that is (I’m sure if I don’t know, I never will), but this one really puts my clean panties in a wad. Let me be just as ridiculously superficial and judgmental: based on this out-of-context comment alone, I don’t think I like Heidi Klum, as a person or as a mother. See how silly that is? Sort of.