Let’s check out the news from the Good Ship Chatterbox, proudly bringing you little tidbits you would have otherwise overlooked that might be important later while you’re drinking coffee and thinking about the purpose of your existence.
The Kardashians are continuing their scheme for world takeover. Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick welcome their second child Penelope on July 8th. I always like hearing about new babies, because I’M A MOTHER, and apparently that means I care about other people’s babies now. Everyone is healthy and looking forward to going home from the hospital, but the best part is I can’t show you a picture because, in the words of one editor, “Kourtney’s second child isn’t such a big deal. If it were Kim’s baby, it might be different, but with the exception of hardcore fans no one is waiting to see what Penelope looks like.” BURRRRNNNN.
Attention Nathan Fillion and Joss Whedon groupies: FIREFLY REUNION. The Science Channel is filming an hour-long special on the cast, reunited ten years after the cult-favorite show’s abrupt end. Firefly only ran for a single season, much to the dismay of sci-fi fans, and left a host of unanswered questions. The special will include an in-depth round table discussion of fan questions and first-person accounts of life on the set. Bully for you guys, but let me know when the cast of Deadwood is getting back together.
Kristin Chenoweth was sent to the hospital on a stretcher after some falling lighting equipment knocked her out cold on the set of The Good Wife. She’s being treated for what are (hopefully) minor injuries and it’s unclear if she remains in the hospital. Chenoweth is talented, and a dear, and deserved every bit of her Emmy Award for Pushing Daisies (RIP), and I hope she’s a-ok.
Eddie Murphy: Not dead. Just thought we might need to clear that up, AGAIN. The internet has been awash in unfounded rumors that he was killed in a freak snowboarding accident. I’ve been seeing more of these death hoaxes lately, and in fact this exact same story was released by the exact same fake news group in February. Apparently fake Eddie Murphy really likes snowboarding and has nine lives.
Tip of the day: If you hear that someone died and it came from the “Global Associated News,” roll over and go back to sleep.
Well, it’s twitter official. Magic Mike has done well at the box office, grossing over $77.8 million of your singles, and has earned the cast a possible sequel. Channing Tatum told UK fans, “We’re working on the concept now. We want to flip the script and make it bigger.” BIGGER, YOU GUYS, LIKE PENISES. (Wait, are we supposed to be pretending there’s some kind of serious subtext here? I’m not sure I can do that.) Joe Manganiello has also fanned the flames of Magic Mike II rumors, mentioning they might make it a prequel rather than a sequel to keep Channing Tatum’s character ‘Mike’ in the limelight. This is me, making all your dreams come true*.
*For ladies, and gay men. And men who like it when their ‘others go watch strippers. So, some portion of the population.
Samuel L Jackson Breaking News Bulletin: