Who knew alleged public masturbation was one of PBS‘ deal-breakers?
As you’ve likely heard by now, 72-year-old comedian Fred Willard—of Christopher Guest mockumentary fame—was arrested at the Tiki Movie Theater in Hollywood Wednesday night (July 18) on suspicion of committing a lewd act in public. Lewd act as in masturbating at the movies. You know, looking for Mr. Goodbar.
Connectin’ the ol’ Dots.
Now the Tiki Theater isn’t your friendly neighborhood multiplex. Okay, it may be pretty friendly, I don’t know. But it’s a porn theater. And since I’m not hep to the nudie movie house jive, I thought I’d better make sure I wasn’t casting the Tiki in too harsh a light. So, you know, I checked Yelp! One reviewer gave me everything I needed to know to stop worrying about the Tiki coming (heh) after me for defamation:
“Anyways I have been to better places. The seat backs are vinyl so they can be wiped down. I do have to complain that there are no drains in the floor so the place can be hosed down. A couple I like, the free lube and travel packs of tissue. A couple things that bothered; the butter for the popcorn it had a bitter, salty, asparagus taste to it. I accidentally got some on my hands and when I wiped it all over my face, it dried white and chalky.”
Ted C of Beverly Hills, I totally understand why you only gave it two stars. When I wipe my hands all over my face at the porn palace the last thing I want to smell is asparagus.
Okay, yeah, that place totally looks like it reeks of asparagus.
Okay, so having done my journalistic duty, let’s get back to Mr. Willard’s arrest and firing. The Anchorman actor was minding his own beeswax (literally) when police allegedly discovered him sitting alone at the XXX theater exposed and enjoying himself. The police apparently do routine sweeps of this theater.
Because people really, REALLY love this stuff.
Willard was arrested and booked on a misdemeanor charge, one that his lawyer says is unfounded and that Willard will fight. As news of the arrest burned up the worldwide webiverse, PBS released a statement that “Given the unfortunate news reported today, effective immediately, Fred Willard no longer will be involved with the Market Warriors series.” Market Warriors is an Antiques Roadshow spin-off that Willard narrates.
Masturbating in public at 72 IS an antiques roadshow.
Was PBS too hard (sigh) on Fred Willard? He’s not a children’s show host.
If you were arrested for the very same thing 21 years ago, scream real loud!
And isn’t this the image PBS is trying to shake? The idea of a pearl-clutching (EW! WHY CAN’T I WRITE ANYTHING THAT DOESN’T SOUND GROSS TODAY?) viewership, scandalized by anyone who’s ever stepped out of line? And, as much as I love PBS and wouldn’t want to, say, WATCH Fred Willard masturbate, is PBS playing both sides of the field here? I mean, look through the list of American Masters PBS has profiled over the years and you’ll find people with dick-ish tendencies, from Elia Kazan to Alfred Hitchcock. Not to mention dick-showing tendencies.
And if PBS has never aired a documentary about Roman Polanski, I’d be very surprised. I know that reporting on people who do things you find distasteful and having those people be part of your brand is different. But he didn’t harm anyone. If you want to tackle the very existence of publicly consumed porn, that’s a different debate.
But to fire Fred Willard so immediately after his arrest—not even a plea or conviction, but for an arrest—to avoid even the risk of becoming a joke for having “hey, that public jerk-off guy!” host your show? Well, it sorta makes you ripe for jokes.
About Molly Martin
