So, last night was awesome, huh? Fireworks. Food. Candy. And if you’re anything like me, BOOZE. Which is awesome, except now today — AMERICA — you have a day off, and you don’t want to ruin it with an encore of that fireworks display in your bathroom, so let us here at Mama Pop help you plan the perfect movie-marathon to keep your kids at bay and nurse your hangover in style.
The first rule of hangover movies, is you’re going to want to avoid anything with intense scenes of drinking. This eliminates frat movies, party movies, and of course THE HANGOVER. Don’t watch that movie while you’re hungover, or you’ll barf, for sure. Or this scene from Mean Streets, which pretty much embodies the drunken POV.
You’re also going to probably want to avoid the jello-wrestling party scene in Old School or any part where you see Will Farrell’s bare ass.
Next thing you’re going to want to cut from the list is probably most of the movies that have won “Best Actor” or “Best Picture” Oscars. You’d hate to find yourself feeling physically like crap, and then also mentally like crap because you’ve gone and decided to watch Boys Don’t Cry or The Hurt Locker. Let someone else shoulder that load. You’re handling enough misery today. (And you’re doing it for America, so you don’t even have to feel guilty. BONUS!) And in that same vein, another thing to hide from today’s Netflix cue? WAR MOVIES. Bummerfest, USA – AMIRIGHT?
Now…I know there are rugrats afoot, and they are going to want to have their say in what rots their brains on National Hangover Day. I know you’re feeling weak, and you just want to nurse that Gatorade in peace, but trust me, if you let the wee-ones choose arbitrarily, there will be no peace on this day. Before your kiddos come to from the sugar coma, make sure you eliminate all evidence of Angelina Ballerina (where’s an inhumane mouse trap when you need one?) Max and Ruby (Mr. Macgregor could do to come out of retirement for those two) and the worst children’s television offender of all: EFFING BARNEY (why is that show still on?!). After last night we’ve seen enough dancing purple dinosaurs, don’t you think?
Teen movies can be a great option, but beware of those with party scenes — the gizz guzzling in American Pie or blue beer in Superbad could have you praying to the porcelain god in no time. One might actually look to avoid 90′s fare completely — 10 Things I Hate About You, Clueless, and Can’t Hardly Wait all feature lessons in not-over-imbibing. But John Hughes has your back. You can watch The Breakfast Club, Some Kind of Wonderful, and Pretty in Pink almost in their entirety without losing your lunch. Do not, I repeat DO NOT watch Sixteen Candles.
So what should you watch today? Let’s keep it simple. You could start with anything on MamaPop’s recent list of Bad Movies, save for the Domestic Violence Revenge Films, because really — no one wants to think about Fried Green Tomatoes when they’re hungover…
I’d start by suggesting the most inoffensive film on the list…Showgirls, and let you go from there.