Oh, hey America. You still out there? (Canada, please continue to wait with your traditional politeness until the hullabaloo dies down. Thanks.) With our nation’s most glorious birthday behind us, the bad news is we still have to get through the rest of the week. Unless you were one of those smart/lucky SOBs who took the week off, and in that case JOG ON. A Wednesday holiday? What’s UP with that?! UGH. The only solution is to keep the red white and blue party alive into the weekend, and thus I present for your enjoyment and argumentation: The Most Awesome American (Movie) Presidents. Once you pop you just can’t stop.
Bill Pullman in Independence Day
President Thomas J. Whitmore will always be remembered as the American president who saved us from aliens. Well, sort of. He’s also the president in that Will Smith alien action movie– No, the one without Tommy Lee Jones. He’s responsible for motivating Will Smith to be even more heroic than he normally is with a classic presidential speech to the troops and generally being a hands-on go-git-em guy. In a moment of pure honestly I have disliked Bill Pullman ever since I watched Lost Highway 30 times in a row, but even I can’t deny that he pulls out a pretty kick-A president game. And, luckily for our nation, he’s signed on to step into the oval office again on NBC’s 1600 Penn. Congratulations on the second term, Bill.
Jack Nicholson in Mars Attacks
The same year that Bill Pullman earned his badge for saving us from aliens, Jack Nicholson, memorably, did not. However despite the fact that President James Dale met an untimely (and hilariously timed) end, I don’t think it detracts from his presidential awesometude. He takes presidential double-speak to a new level when he tells the nation in a emergency broadcast, “Rest assured that we will soon come out at a very real outcome.” Indeed you will Jack, indeed you will. Brazen attitude, annoying wife, Natalie Portman for a daughter– this is a president I can believe in, even if all he can do is hold down the fort and make me laugh until the next guy gets there.
Harrison Ford in Air Force One
When Jack Nicholson falls, President James Marshall will be the one to step in and save the day. Air Force One did the terrorist thing before terrorists were cool, and Harrison Ford made it abundantly clear that no shenanigans would be going down on his watch. I want my president to be able to chew out one-liners like this guy, because that’s obviously one of a leader’s most important skills. In the immortal words of President James Marshall, “GET OFF MY PLANE.” ZING! Good one Prez! Truly though, I love seeing the president actively running around kicking ass, and the statements he makes on foreign policy aren’t half bad. With a face like that, he’ll go far in politics. /DREAMBOAT PRESIDENT
Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact
If I’ve learned anything from movies about America, it’s that space is out to get us. Why do we wanna get up there so bad? Aliens? Comets? It’s no good, guys. Just stay down here. President Beck stands as the rock behind a country destroyed by a rock. Many people say that a president’s true legacy is in his speeches, and I would never turn down an opportunity to listen to Morgan Freeman wax eloquent about anything. Can we mandate that presidential addresses be a weekly requirement? No? The tissue industry might have to step up its game, because when this man starts talking it starts getting dusty in here. Life will go on, we will prevail. Now I really believe it.
Bruce Greenwood in National Treasure: Book of Secrets
Ever since we’ve been talking about favorite bad movies I’ve had National Treasure and its sequel on my mind. Never has there been a better way to honor our American roots than by fanning the flames of our inner conspiracy theorist. ‘MERICA! The history presented may be (mostly, completely) inaccurate, but hell if it doesn’t make you want to dive into America’s past face-first and find some hidden puzzles. ‘The President’ (unnamed) only gets one scene in Book of Secrets, but it’s memorable because Nicholas Cage kidnaps the head of our country and takes him on an exciting romp through history! Bruce Greenwood plays the President as a devout American history buff, which I’d like to imagine is more common than we’d think. It’s nice to pretend that the president knows stuff about our past. Probably wrong, but nice.
Alright patriots, who’d I miss? Who’s your favorite movie president?