Well, well, well. Kim may have been the first girl that Chad Kroeger kissed—though nerves, it should be pointed out, almost made him miss (?)—but Avril Lavigne is gonna be the first girl ol’ Chad walks down the aisle.
That’s right, the Nickelback frontman is Avril’s new Skater Boy, as evidenced by the rocker’s August 8th proposal. Let’s just hope he doesn’t write the wedding vows lest the wedding guests be force fed yet another heaping helping of Kroeger’s heavy-handed sentimentality.
And I’m with Amalah on this one—they both bug. And now that they’ll be rock-and-roll royalty, I’m beyond frusTRATED. Because we’re gonna get a healthy dose of those clowns till divorce do they part. Which means by the time it’s all said and done with, I guarantee they’ll rank among the most annoying couples in pop culture history.
Here’s a peek at five other couples who evoked similar cringe factors.
Kenny Chesney and Renée Zellweger
In my opinion, these guys did us all a big favor by keeping this thing short and sweet. Renée went on being Renée and Kenny went on trying a little too hard to make us all believe he’s a player, when at the end of the day, all he really appears to be is a closeted balding guy who enjoys paddle boarding with his weird-looking dog.
Britney Spears and K-Fed
As a stepdad, I’ll be the first to admit that I was rooting for these wacky kids. (Okay, no I wasn’t. I loathed them. Still, play along.) After all, I’m a sucker for a blended family, and the coolest thing about this couple was that Britney became a stepmom. To a stepdaughter she’d never met by the time they were engaged. (Practical.)
And there was another stepchild she’d not met, either. But that’s okay. No one had. K-Fed’s ex was still pregnant with her when the two got engaged. More proof (not that you needed it) that K-Fed was one classy guy.
Flavor Flav and Brigitte Nielsen
I actually didn’t mind these guys all that much. I mean, look at ‘em. Such a cute couple and all. But once they hooked up, Flav and Sylvester Stallone became Peter-in-laws and that’s kinda what sent me south on them.
Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie
I’m sorry, y’all. I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever believe that they were a legitimate couple. Which is exactly why they were so horrendous. And that kiss, regrettably, is forever etched into my mind’s eye. Which is so very, very unfortunate. I would have rather watched an 80-year-old man masturbate than that awkward debacle.
J Lo and Ben Affleck
Don’t be fooled by the rocks that she’s got. She’s just, she’s just Jenny from the block. Till she became Bennifer, that is. Remember these clowns? They were intolerable. I mean, first, he took out an ad praising her for her professionalism during the filming of Gigli. And by professionalism, I’m reasonably certain he meant ambiguously large, yet undeniably alluring ass. Then, once they became an item, they got all PDA on us like immature and psychologically wounded adolescents.
But what made them truly horrendous was the lyrics to her song “Dear Ben”: I write this song to let you know, that you will always be to me my lust, my love, my man, my child, my friend, and my king.
Alright, people. Who did I miss? (TomKat seemed too obvious…)