Last week, one of the Kardashians said something that almost made me respect her as a human person with feelings and it brought into question my long standing belief that the Kardashian tribe is one of the worst things to happen to Hollywood since Scientology. Is this it? Is this the end of it all? Are the robots coming to force us into internment camps underneath a bridge somewhere? I briefly felt my heart stop beating. BEWARE THE RED LIGHTS.
But wait! There’s still hope for humanity. The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, who is in charge of approving and maintaining the Walk of Fame, rejected the recent nomination of Kim Kardashian for a star along Hollywood Boulevard with a blistering, “AW HELLZ NAW.”
“We don’t do reality stars. She needs to get a real acting job then come to us.”
SCUZZ BURNNN GIFFFF TIIIIIIMMEEEEEEEEE
(Now everybody clap yo hands!)
The current stars are strictly organized into five categories: Motion pictures, broadcast television, audio recording, broadcast radio, and theater/live performance. Since ‘reality slorehood’ ain’t on the list, girl ain’t getting on the walk. And, FYI Kim, I’m pretty sure pr0n actresses don’t qualify either. Or girlfriends with big booties and wardrobe problems.
The Chamber has made exceptions in the past for remarkable celebrities, but I’m glad to see they aren’t willing to lump Kim Kardashian’s “great television achievements” in with the motherloving astronauts from Apollo 11 landing on the motherfreaking moon. (I mean I’m sure the two have a lot in common. Robots in space ….Robots on Earth! I smell Pulitzer and motor oil!) (Additional fun fact: Nominees must pay a $30,000 fee to fund their stars. I have no idea!)
It will be interesting to see how the committee’s stance changes as the years wear on and more and more “famous” “celebrities” are notorious just for being their own slightly edited selves. How long will the Walk of Fame be able to hold out against the mounting tide of sadness? Will a 35-year-old Honey Boo Boo one day bellyflop her way into the ceremonial mire?
Good/terrible things may come to those who wait.