Kristen Stewart Fired From ‘Snow White’ Sequel For Having Vagina?

Ohmygawd!  Did Twilight‘s Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart break-up?

I have to Twi-hard to care about this.

Maybe you heard that Pattinson’s long-time girlfriend/costar Stewart had an affair with her married Snow White and the Hunstman director Rupert Sanders.  Married as in “married to Stewart’s Snow White onscreen mom, Liberty Ross.” 22-year-old Stewart did a very age-appropriate thing on the heels of her public indiscretion: she wrote a cringeworthy letter, pouring her heart out to Pattinson.  And, sure, it’s unusual to do that publicly – but tell me that any college girl you know wouldn’t hold a press conference after a bottle of Boone’s Farm if she thought anyone would listen?

“And then I told him, ‘I’m, like, I said ‘Snow White and the SEVEN DORKS. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” *hiccup*

Now that you’re caught up…

You know, in case you’ve been paying attention to piddling matters like hate crimes and gun control. Which was always the headline BELOW KRISTEN AND R-PATZ.

…let’s chat about the latest development.  The Hollywood Reporter is reporting (like they do) that Kristen Stewart has been fired from a planned Snow White and the Huntsman sequel.  Instead we’d be treated to And the Huntsman, meaning a follow-up film focused on Chris Hemsworth’s character.  Other media outlets are saying that the plan for a sequel was always to focus on Chris Hemsworth.  Snow White could appear in the sequel, says an industry insider.  I presume she will appear via a glossy picture of Kristen Stewart mounted on a popsicle stick that audiences can hold up any time they think she should be in a scene.

If you move the stick up and down, she gallops!

Here’s what bugs me: there are several sources suggesting that Rupert Sanders is still attached to direct a Snow White sequel, even following Radar Online reports that Sanders’ wife forbade him to remain involved.  Is it even a question that, if you fire Kristen Stewart for having an affair with the director, you fire the director, too?  Or is her vagina such a dangerous instrument that studios won’t insure it, while Sanders’ penis is left to roam free?

Artist’s rendering.

Let’s be clear: I’m not wild about Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders dicking over their loved ones but it’s also none of my business.  They didn’t commit a violent act against anyone, they don’t spew hate speech in public, etc.  For the record, I don’t know if we can fire those offenders (Mel Gibson, Roman Polanski) either but it sure feels nice to hate ‘em. 

But what’s good for the goose should be good for the gander.  Correct me if I’m wrong but Brad Pitt, Robin Williams, and Jude Law haven’t lost a lot of film work from their cheating escapades, right?  And their cheating (or any male actor being cheated on) isn’t the one thing we hear about them at the LEAD. OF. EVERY. NEWS. STORY. EVER.

So why are we singling out Kristen Stewart again?  How silly of me to forget that only male actors can be working cheaters.

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