Early Wednesday morning, LL Cool J was just in the mix searching for the right spot in his North Hollywood home when he heard a noise in the kitchen and went to see what could get sliced and diced. When the police showed up a few minutes later they found Big Daddy LL in perfect health and one attempted burglar, in …not-so-perfect health. The suspect had tripped the house alarm, but when LL Cool J starts going insane, starting the hurricane, he waits for no man. The suspect was taken into custody by police sporting broken ribs and a broken jaw.
Doing it and doing it well since 1995.
Breaking into the home of LL Cool J was an extremely poor decision (understatement) and most of us cold have seen the end result coming from space without the help of the Hubble. Breaking into anyone’s home, celebrity or not, is a risky business which I don’t recommend– but especially if you don’t know who you’re messing with. Sometimes the occupants are ready and waiting to fight back.
Let’s briefly discuss a few other celebrity homes where you could not pay me any amount of money to get caught borrowing a neighborly cup of sugar without asking. I’d suggest this would be helpful to the world’s stupidest criminals, but I’d like to pretend we don’t have any felons cruising MamaPop. So this is just a fun! List! Of fun! Not crime! No! Not Crime! We don’t endorse crime, unless you’d like to star on the next edition of Celebrity Beatdown and have your jaw wired shut! Great!
Christian Bale
You’d have to be off your rocker to try to bust into the home of the Batman. Add to that that Christian Bale is extremely protective of his privacy, buffin’ the buff, and possibly full of the hot rage, and you’ve got a broken skull on your hands.
Idris Elba
Idris Elba was convincingly thugalicious as Stringer Bell on The Wire, but it wasn’t until seeing him on BBC’s Luther that I was awakened to his full aura of badassery. I’m now convinced he could kill me in cold blood and go back right to his tea. ABORT MISSION.
Janet Jackson
There’s something about her small, beady eyes and tiny nose that tells me that even though she may be small in stature her familial rage would twist her face into a skeletal mask of animal bloodlust and she’d tear out your throat with her manicured nails. …What, too much?
Tina Fey
(Come on, that would just be mean.)
Who else would make the tears rain down like a totally avoidable Monsoon? Carrot Top? Christopher Meloni?
About Jamie Jamerson
