I make no apologies for some of my more unconventional crushes: Jesse Eisenberg as Mark Zuckerberg, Adrien Brody, Sean Penn (I know), James McAvoy, Eric Stoltz, umHarryPotterum, but, well, I’m a firm believer that the heart wants what the heart wants. Because of this, I have learned to bite my tongue when someone tells me how hot Peeta Mellark is. Peeta? Really? He of the bad blonde combover and, the little kid from that horrible RV movie? Okay. Fine. I don’t get it, but, hey, if that’s what floats your boat, that’s cool with me.
But, one celebrity crush that I really just cannot understand is Shia LaBeouf.
Dude looks a bit like a frightening cross between the unibomber, a relative of Balki Bartokomous and/or Borat, and that dude who gets stranded at the airport and has to live there (That’s the weird Tom Hanks movie without the volleyball, right?).
Also, he seems kind of dirty and not in the good way.
Also, the acting. Anyone who has seen that fourth Indiana Jones movie or any of the Transformers movies knows exactly what I’m talking about.
And then in June I heard that the Beouf was Full Monty-ing it up in the bizarre Sigur Rós video “Fjogur Piano” and all I could think while I watched it was DAMN, I really would have thought that Sigur Rós would have had better taste in naked celebrities.
And now, you guys, Shia LaBeouf is making headlines again.
For something strange and kind of icky. Again.
Apparently, 26-year-old Shia is set to star in Nymphomaniac, a Lars von Trier erotic drama which will include actual, real sex instead of the typical simulated movie sex. The film, unsurprisingly not von Trier’s first stab at real sex, is about a young woman’s journey into adulthood, and Charlotte Gainsbourg, Nicole Kidman, Stellan Skarsgard, and Willem Dafoe are rumored to have signed on as well.
“[The movie] is what you think it is,” said Shia. “It is Lars von Trier, making a movie about what he’s making. For instance. there’s a disclaimer at the top of the script that basically says we’re doing it for real. Everything that is illegal, we’ll shoot in blurred images. Other than that, everything is happening.”
He adds, “[Lars von Trier] is very dangerous. He’s the most dangerous dude that I’ve ever showed up for… I’m so terrified, which is why I have to go. We’ll see what happens. It’s going to be a wild movie.”
I don’t know about you, but I don’t even want to pay to see Shia Labeouf have the regular old fake movie sex scenes, let alone, um, this.