Pity the poor kid. Someday he’s going to Google his mom, or get taunted by middle school classmates who’ve figured out his old lady’s Twitter handle, or stumble upon a compromising photo of his mother on StumbleUpon. And when that happens, the little guy is going to have to face up to the painful fact that his mother’s personal shit and embarrassing exploits have been shared very publicly and documented forever on the internet.
Growing up, it’s going to be pretty hard being the child of a mommyblogger.
WAIT! I MEANT SNOOKI! It’s going to be hard being the child of Jersey Shore’s SNOOKI! That’s what I meant to say!
Whew! That was a close one. Almost implicated myself while being all judge-y about someone else’s depth and breadth of exhibitionism. I hate when that happens.
Alright, listen, I don’t watch Jersey Shore. But in high school, I did hang out at Wildwood, New Jersey, and I may or may not have used a fake ID to get smashed on sickeningly sweet alcohol concoctions with naughty names. Also, for a few years, I lived in South Philly, down the street from Pat’s and Geno’s cheesesteak shops and next door to a mobster who burned down his own restaurant. I did watch a few You Tube videos of Snooki et. al., so I get the idea: booze, sex, hair spray, swearing, spray tans, fist fights, sex, swearing, booze, sex, and animal prints.
Let’s seeeeee….what other famous mama does that remind me of?
OH! I KNOW!
“And this one was the reason the Girl Scouts never called back, even though I have CPR training and can make an outdoors water filter out of a bustier….
Alright, maybe Madonna didn’t booze a lot (that we know of). But what do we know about her first born, Lourdes? Well, not much, actually. Mostly kept out of the spotlight, Lola dresses like any other hipster kid, wasn’t allowed to pluck her eyebrows until well into her teens, dances, and writes a fashion blog. I dunno…maybe someday the paparazzi will catch Lourdes flipping the bird and screaming “hypocrite” while Madge hauls her off by the ear . But right now it’s yawnsville. Fairly normal seeming teen kid who seems like she gets along with her mom. Mostly. NEXT!
“And this one, Honey, is why none of your teachers will ever, ever give you an extension on your science fair project or accept excuses for Fido eating your homework.”
Bad girl of the ice rink, smokin’, cussin’, knee cap smackin’, celebrity sex tapin’, drunk drivin’—she’s a real piece of work. In February 2011, Tonya Harding and husband Joseph Jens Price became parents of a baby boy. I’ve been scouring the web for photos of the new mother feeding her kid Mountain Dew in a bottle or forgetting him at WalMart, but no such luck. Out of the spotlight for a while now, it could actually be that Harding is settling down and just, you know, being a pretty good mom.
Meanwhile, Snooki says she’s moving in with her finance’s family so they can help her take care of the new bambino. Is it just me, or does welcoming a newborn into a home filled with grandmas, grandpas, aunties, and uncles sound heck-o-sanity? Snooki didn’t drink during the pregnancy, she says she at least wants to try to pump breast milk because it’s healthy for the baby, and her Tweets on Sunday sounded…well… exuberant.
Motherhood is transformative. And I don’t want to get all pukey sentimental here, but maybe having a loving mother who thinks you’re the world helps you to forgive all her faults, follies, and mistakes. Or enough of them. One can hope.
About Josette Plank
