Taylor Swift, First Person To Ever Feel Feelings, Releases New Album

08/15/2012 11:00 am by

Internet, I am starting to really lose my patience with Taylor Swift.

Taylor Swift Taylor Swift, First Person To Ever Feel Feelings, Releases New Album

And not just because someone keeps styling her to look like a Muppet.

She’s bubbly, she’s cute, she’s talented, she has veneers for days, and ever since she emerged on the music scene, I’ve been trying to quell my more cynical instinct to spend, like, four solid hours rolling my eyes at her music and mocking her almost unbelievable naiveté. But with the recent release of her new album, Red, and her new single “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” (UGGNNNNNNNGGGGGH) I am reaching my capacity when it comes to Taylor and her seemingly endless wellspring of OMG YOU GUYS I LIKE HAD THIS BOYFRIEND AND HE TOTALLY HURT MY FEELINGS AND STUFF music.

mayer swift Taylor Swift, First Person To Ever Feel Feelings, Releases New Album

Can’t you just title every album “John Mayer Was a Total Dick To Me” and move the fuck on?!

Taylor named this newest album Red because—in her words—”all those emotions spanning from intense love, intense frustration, jealousy, confusion, all of that, in my mind all those emotions are red. There’s nothing in between. There’s nothing beige about any of those feelings.” And the songs on the album? “They’re all pretty much about the kind of tumultuous, crazy, insane, intense, semi-toxic relationships that I’ve experienced in the last two years.”

Presentation1 Taylor Swift, First Person To Ever Feel Feelings, Releases New Album

Sorry, guys. I’m clearly failing at letting 22-year-old Taylor be 22 years old (and therefore in a phase of life I like to call “Nobody Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen Although I’ve Never Actually Seen Any Troubles”). Maybe I should take a listen to her new single? And try to say something nice about it? OK — BRB.

Huh. Well. I’m…pretty sure it sounds like a perfect song to hear in the juniors’ department in Macy’s? I’m certain it will become quite the anthem for broken hearts in 8th grade homerooms everywhere? I really hope you learned your lesson and won’t ever shtupp a Gyllenhaal again?

Taylor+Swift 253x300 Taylor Swift, First Person To Ever Feel Feelings, Releases New Album

OK, I tried, but…a tiny top hat and heart-hands? I’M FUCKING OUT.

[Editor's note: And then after this post went live, I found the following video:

SPOILER, SHE IS LIP-SYNCING TO HER OWN SONG AT SOME SORT OF SONG PREMIERE SLUMBER PARTY WITH LIVE REACTION VIDEOS - Amber]

source, source, source, source, source

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About Jive Turkey

Jive Turkey lives in Pittsburgh and spends her time desperately clinging to the hope that someday the cast of Deadwood will destroy the cast of Glee.

Filed Under: Best Of MamaPop, Celebrity Musicians, Music, The Stars Aren't Like Us Tagged With: ,


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  • http://twitter.com/thegrumbles the grumbles

    I’m confused, is she perpetually stuck at the age of 12? I guess there’s a new batch of 12 year olds every year to buy into this schlock. I need to wash the feeling of this Delias catalog off me.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_G26LUVSAOI53QJMPC24IFBRS3U AmyA

    I, like, have a problem with her overuse of the word, “like.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Becki-Thompson/1387917270 Becki Thompson

    Sorry – I like her. Maybe indeed a bit grating at times but a nice, fresh wholesome alternative to . .say . .Niki Minaj – (dont get me started – was forced to watch a string of Niki videos while on the treadmill at 24 fitness – SHE is the one trying to be a muppet – a muppet who 3900 plastic, colored wigs who turns around and shakes her near naked butt at me in EVERY SONG. I will take the broken hearted treads of Taylor ANYTIME, lol)

  • DianaCLT

    OhMyHell, I was CACKLING reading this. You win at all of the things for this!

    Yeah. As the grumbles and AmyA pointed out…is she (like) just (like) going to be (like) 12 for(like)ever? I admit some of her songs are catchy. But she’s still bitching about boy issues as though she is an adolescent, when in fact, she is a grown-ass woman who shtupped John Mayer…which means she’s shtupped half of Hollywood via his dong. If you’re going to have that much action in your life, at least have a few bouts of mental maturity to cope.

  • http://www.sweetney.com Sweetney

    SONG PREMIERE SLUMBER PARTY just killed me ded. You can’t make this shit up, people.

  • http://twitter.com/_kateCouture Katey G
    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Becki-Thompson/1387917270 Becki Thompson

      Roflmbo. You so win!

      • http://twitter.com/_kateCouture Katey G

        YUS!

  • B

    She inspired my girl to Pick up the guitar, so I love her. But this song is Already played out in our house. Song must die!!!

  • Angel

    Yall are being to hard on her, She makes appropriate music for the younger generation. Would it fit you better if she was stripping talkn about sex, pop’n that little ass of hers. Whiny as you would call it she has enough decency to calm down the lyrics that we normally would listen to . She is talented in what she does.