A few weeks ago, I was trying to think of something that I could easily add to my exercise regimen at home that might be an option during the cold winter months when going outside isn’t a sane option. I had owned Jillian Michaels‘ 30-Day Shred DVD at some point (I think if you were a mom blogger or were mom-blogger-adjacent in, like, 2007-2009, you were issued it) and thought that might be a good option. Then I figured that, by this point, I should be able to find all three levels on YouTube. And I was right, but I soon realized that workout videos on YouTube are plentiful and kind of bizarre. I’ve compiled a few of my favorites to share with you.
Jillian Michaels’ Yoga Meltdown
In my YouTube travels, I came to find out that Jillian Michaels had at some point produced a yoga workout. I was surprised since she had spoken kind of derisively about Bob Harper’s yoga workouts on The Biggest Loser. But she had, of course, put her own little spin on the practice. The first obvious change being that she called the practice a “meltdown.” I’ve had yoga meltdowns before and they’ve usually taken the form of, “WHY CAN’T I DO CHATURANGA DANDASANA?!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!!?!?” or “No, I really don’t think I can do a handstand if you let go of my feet. Okay you’ve let go anyway…oh god, my back…Jesus Christ, why is the floor getting so close?”
With the meltdown, you can tell you’re in for a new circle of hell in the first three minutes, when the gentle, spiritual warm up doesn’t really happen and you’re hyperventilating, flapping your arms, and moving in and out of chair pose like you’re in a deranged game of Musical Chairs against yourself.
Sit and Be Fit – Pelvic Floor Exercises
There are a lot of harsh realities that adult women face as they age. One of them is that you’re going to start peeing your pants on the regular much sooner than you think you should, at which point you’ll be listening to Mary Ann up there describe your “hammock” and talking you through your very own Kegel prescription.
“Buffed, Beautiful, and Bitchin’” from In Living Color
Thank you, related videos sidebar for reminding me of this gem and what it was like to have a funny Jim Carrey in the world.
Jazzercise – Move Your Boogie Body
While you guys watch this, I’m going to go get another Valium-tini. Because, frankly, I have not yet recovered.
Jane Fonda’s workouts hold up. Burning calories doesn’t really change over time, it just takes on different forms. So I’m seriously considering adding this to my rotation. The extent to which her supporting cast gets so thoroughly AMPED during the warm up is kind of inspirational. And the first glimpse of the guy wearing glasses, headband, unitard, shorts, and leg warmers and who obviously has no idea what he’s doing is just a bonus.
Club Hip Hop: Dejan & Janelle – DeJay in Da House
I’ve saved the best/worst for last. These two: Dejan and Janelle and this…shit.
It’s almost too much to really address: the Hammer pants, the mortifying use of “urban” slang, their facial expressions.
This is what happens when people watch too much Save the Last Dance and too many Step Up movies.