They said they’d take away our International Certification License of Fine Inter-Net e-Gossip Purveyor if we didn’t post this today, guys. I’m just trying to follow the rules.
Yep. That sure is a baby, all right.
Apparently, if you were to go out to your local fine literature shoppe and procure a copy of this magazine, you will have your eyeballs dazzled by even MORE PHOTOS of this same baby and his mother, along with SEVERAL PARAGRAPHS in which she reveals the shocking truth that she loves this particular baby.
Oof. Sorry for that spoiler right there. I’m just really reaching for things to say right now. I gotta hit 300 words and I’m at…113? That’s all? Okay. Lemme grab some blockquote action here:
“When I got pregnant, everything changed,” says Polizzi, who will also appear on the final season of MTV’s Jersey Shore, premiering Oct. 4. “The partying is long gone. I’m a new person.”
You know she really is a new person because People excerpted that quote for the cover, and they are totally not allowed to ever put things on the cover that aren’t true. FACT.
(Well, they CAN, but they have to include a question mark at the end. See the hotly-contested Heidi Klum item in the top corner. Romancing her BODYGUARD? Fornicating with the HELP? WHAT, WE’RE JUST ASKING QUESTIONS. WE’RE ALLOWED TO ASK QUESTIONS.)
When reached for comment, Snooki’s baby said:
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.
(BAM. 306 words. NAILED IT.)
WHAT THE GIRAFFE SAID.
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About Amy Corbett Storch
