It’s recently come to light that Jack Osbourne, son of tattooed/mumbling/foot-shuffling/heavy-metal master Ozzy Osbourne, stumbled upon naked photos of his dad while filming the documentary God Bless Ozzy Osbourne last year.
I’ll pause for a moment to allow you to assemble that image in your mind. Need help? Here.
Right. So…disgusting thought, yes? Now, imagine the repulsive notion of seeing your own dad naked. Now Ozzy. Now your dad. It’s pretty much a cocktail of nausea. It’s also nothing to be proud of, which is why I assume that Jack didn’t come out with this “information” until now. Jack Osbourne was recently diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, which is horrible, sad news. This is just the icing on the moldy, tabloid news cake that is his 2012.
While naked Ozzy is a gross enough thought, there are other celebrity dads out there that people simply DO NOT need to see naked. I mean, we can all agree that say, Brad Pitt or Jude Law could get naked and there would be much internet rejoicing. (Of course, there would still be undeniable trauma should their children be the discovery-makers.)
HOWEVER, celebrities such as Will Ferrell, Hulk Hogan, or Steve Buscemi? NO THANKS.
I mean, nothing personal to these guys (well, maybe to Hulk Hogan) – they all are masters of their specific crafts. (Okay, maybe I just need to remove Hulk Hogan from that list.) Ozzy is no exception. Metal would not be where it is today without the likes of him.
However, let this serve as a lesson to ALL fathers, celebrity or not: If you take naked photos of yourself and then keep them like some sort of fool, your kids will find them. Most children will suffer from “I can never look at my dad the same”-itis, but others (mostly children of celebrities) may just decide they hate you enough to send them to the tabloids. Ozzy had the good fortune that his son isn’t that kind of kid. You might not be so lucky.