The Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion special airs (in part) this coming Sunday night, and I really need to get something off my chest. The fact of the matter is that I’ve been a RHONJ fan since season one, way back when Teresa was a table-flipping-villain we all loved to hate, and TwoBusy recapped each episode with stoic prose and masculine grace. In the years that followed, however, the cast has changed so much that, this year, I have found myself forming an allegiance to none other than Teresa Giudice.
Observe:
Caroline Manzo
Holy SHIT this woman went from dignified, oddly-hairstyled matriarch to tyrannical, bullheaded STFU-ALREADY in record time, amirite?! For reasons that may or may not have been valid (it no longer matters at this point because STOP TALKING CAROLINE), Mrs. Manzo decided she was done with Teresa this year. Except that “done” for Caroline means “NEVER GOING TO LET IT GO EVER.” For someone that doesn’t have time for drama, she sure knows how to keep herself ENTRENCHED in it. Fucking leave the show already, woman! Her insights this year were pompous, immature, and condescending, and I’m pretty sure the producers were disappointed that they never caught her evil cackle on film. Drat. Maybe during the reunion.
The Gorgas
Listen, I love naked-Joe as much as the rest of you, but the way he handled shit at Posche (OMFG, KIM D, gross) was kind of ridiculous. When Teresa revealed, at one point, that–the very next morning–Joe texted her “You’re dead to me”? Dude, I kinda lost RESPEK, because LISTEN: while I’m pretty sure Teresa is guilty of befriending that troll Kim D., I’m ALSO pretty sure, as Jezebel pointed out recently, that the producers had more to do with this shit than anything else.
No one on this earth cares if Melissa Gorga was a fucking stripper. Jesus. Have we learning NOTHING from Magic Mike?!
Jacqueline Laurita
I kind of loved Jack-Linn, but this year she was basically a train wreck. She had some unfortunate family news going on behind the scenes, so it’s hard to know the entire picture behind her behavior this season, but I think she was prone to overreaction. I still love her though. Now if she’ll just stop with the Caroline Manzo shit already.
All this said, however, I do realize that Teresa Giudice is often her own worst enemy. After appearing on Anderson Cooper’s new talk show yesterday (for the second day in a row, so that Coops could apologize for practically flipping a table on her), Teresa admitted that fame has ripped apart her family, placing blame squarely on her brother and Melissa’s shoulders for getting on the show behind her back. Whatever that means. While I don’t exactly doubt that (Melissa seems like the jealous type, let’s be honest, plus she had her musical agenda), Teresa needs to understand the importance of owning her own behavior. Takes two to tango, sweet’art.
I can’t IMAGINE how insane this reunion will be (they taped for TEN HOURS), and, what’s more, I can’t imagine how these women will all remain on the same cast for next year.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go shoot myself in the face for having taken this show so seriously so as to have written this very post. (OMFG)
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About Kristine Cook
