You know when you’re enjoying a really great meal and you think to yourself, “I wonder how Smash Mouth would have plated this Veal Chateaubriand?” If so, then you should quit doing so many drugs. But unfortunately there is now an answer to some of your questions: The members of Smash Mouth are releasing a cookbook next month, and if the Bro factor wasn’t high enough, Guy Fieri‘s hair-gelled fingerprints are all over it, too. This bad idea will be called Recipes from the Road: A Rock ‘n’ Roll Cookbook.
I’ve managed to avoid Fieri well enough in life, but I wasn’t quite so lucky with Smash Mouth. Their heyday was before we all had the ability to craft our own personal soundtracks to drown out every other possible noise in life, so if I was watching MTV or listening to the radio in the late 90s, I was being subjected to some god damned Smash Mouth. As I type this, that horrendous hey-now-you’re-a-rock-star-get-your-game-on pile of shit is involuntarily playing in my head and I’m getting irritated about their existence all over again.
Anyway. I’m guessing that there will be plenty of pictures of the cooks in those dude blouses from Hot Topic. Or perhaps the bros wearing, like, chef’s hats with flames on them while they’re standing around a grill, all leaning away from the camera for some reason with their arms and tongs outstretched in that, “HEEEEEY, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? COOKBOOK! YOU’RE A ROCK STAR GET YOUR COOK ON!” The dishes will whet the appetites of that target, “College was so sick, bro,” mid-30s to early-4os jock strap with offerings like Jager Bombs, Jager Bomb Salad, Jager Bomb Casserole, Jager Bomb Jambalaya (aka Jager Bombalaya), and Jager Bomb Ambrosia (aka Jager Bombrosia). Or, given Smash Mouth’s tendency to cover songs, they’ll just lift recipes from other famous cookbooks but make them irritating and/or unpalatable. Examples might include: Julia Child’s Boeuf Bourguigon a la Mode, Nestle Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookies and Hamburger, and Rice Krispie Treats Pizza.
Actually, that last one sounded kinda good. Which I think is my cue to stop thinking about this.