I hated Meet The Parents. Watching people embarrass themselves gives me the trots, so I’d like to thank The X-Factor for the fifteen pounds I undoubtedly lost after watching the world’s most horrifically uncomfortable competition show audition OF. ALL. TIME.
I missed X-Factor last season, but you KNOW I wasn’t going to miss Britney Spears‘s debut on the show, so I tuned in eager-as-hell last night. (And by the way, when did Simon Cowell get so much work done, and why can’t he recognize the total lack of talent in his own plastic surgeon?) If you’re not following the show, it’s basically American Idol in an amphitheater with a massive audience and full band from day one. Instead of Randy Jackson you have L.A. Reid, and instead of Paula Abdul/Her-Neverending-List-of-Replacements you have Britney Spears and Demi Lovato. And then there’s Simon Cowell as himself.
So last night, following a very impressive post-boy-band-neo-beastie-boy-band type group performed their own original tune that was kind of catchy, a dude named Don Philip took the stage. Britney recognized him immediately, and his “package” revealed that the two had duet’d on the tune “I Will Still Love You” off of Brit’s first album.
Let the awkward begin. When Simon asked him what he’s been doing since, the dude broke down in tears and rambled for a while before commencing an off-key performance that made Britney look like she might, I dunno…SHAVE HER HEAD. But it was after he got his four resounding “NOs” that things really started to make me want to peel my own face off to escape the discomfort.
See for yourself:
Why does reality TV do this to us? There were points in last night’s show that were so uncomfortable to watch that I felt like Cowell and Co. were playing their own little game of Emotional Gladiator.
And lest ye forget how awkward it was on The Voice last season when Xtina failed to recognize former Mickey Mouse Club co-star Tonny Lucca, launching a feud that would last the entire season and potentially cost Lucca the title? It’s like they take our worst nightmares about our high school reunions and play them out in prime time. BUT THEN BRITNEY SPEARS IS JUST SO WEIRD I CAN’T NOT WATCH HER. Oh the humanity.
Did you catch The X-Factor? Did it make you want to die?