“Mr. President, your rebuttal?”
“There. Is. A. Time. To. Dance.”
‘Fess up, America. You’re not tuning in to tonight’s (October 3) eagerly anticipated inaugural Presidential debate–this pinnacle of election season–to learn more about President Barack Obama and former Governor Mitt Romney. You’re not tuning in because you’re undecided.
You’re tuning in because, deep down, you’re hoping one of the candidates has the kind of moment that ultimately led to Ren being allowed to cut loose. Footloose.
You know those moments. The underdog lands the zinger, the struggling leader recaptures her mojo, a make-believe person makes you believe. So in this very emotional election season, it is important to remember the people who don’t exist and the example they set for the candidates who do. It will make your debate-viewing experience much more pleasant, I promise.
And so I give you My Pop Culture Wishlist for the Presidential Debates.
- The moment of determination. Picture this: Romney reminds us that he’s taking America back [and giving it to whom, he doesn't say]. Pan to a silver-haired beauty and watch her decision wash over her face. She looks over her shoulder, nodding to a Romney supporter. Cue Kenny Loggin’s “I’m Free.” Pan to a crestfallen Obama supporter, shaking her head. Cut to Daniel Powter’s “A Bad Day.”
- The American President declaration. Who among you doesn’t want a Micheal Douglas-as-POTUS-style moment from our President [from the most popular of *all* 1990s White House rom-com-drams co-starring Michael J. Fox]? ”I’m Barack Obama and I AM the President.”
- The charity car wash organization. ”Let’s save the country?” ”But how?” *The candidates, dressed as cheerleaders, look at each other and chorus, in unison* “SOAPY CARWASH!” Cue bow-chickie-bow-bow music. Don’t ask me…I saw it on Cinemax once.
- The romantic ovation. I cannot wait for John McCain to wander down the aisle in full military dress and sweep the President off his feet and march out of the room to a chorus of thunderous applause, while Romney looks on, smiling through tears. ”Love lifts us up where we beloooooooooooong…”
- The warming sensation. It’s that moment in most movies (that are neither German nor include Matthew McConaughey and an ill-intended drumstick), when you know everything’s going to be alright. When you can forget the ugliness revealed in your heroes earlier in the plot. When your friends and relatives can no longer spoil the ending for you. When the music swells and your inner peace is restored. That moment is “The End.”
So that’s my pop culture wishlist to the Gods of Political Theater. What’s on yours?