Actor and Saturday Night Live star Jason Sudeikis has been dating actress Olivia Wilde for the past nine months. Things between them have been going quite well. So well, in fact, that Ms. Wilde told an audience gathered for an evening of monologues in New York City that, when it came to all things nakey time, the two “have sex like Kenyan marathon runners.”
Yep. Drop these two in the middle of Kenya and they’re blending riiiiiight in.
This is apparently quite an upgrade from her past relationship with Italian prince Tao Raspoli to whom she was married to for 8 years. And who was responsible for the untimely death of her vagina.
“I felt like my vagina died…Turned off. Lights out…you can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But you cannot lie to your vagina.”
“Everyone, shh…Olivia has an announcement! What did you want to share, sweetie?
Because I’m male and don’t possess one on my person, I won’t hesitate in confessing that I have a limited working knowledge of the vagina. So I guess it isn’t too much of a surprise that I’ve never ever ever EVER heard of the phenomenon that is vagina death. I guess I’ve lived under the assumption that one’s vagina would live as long as its owner. And, quite possibly, if the owner passed on, maybe the vagina goes the way of the proverbial chicken with its head cut off: a couple death throes and then boom lights out. Who knows? But that it can actually die from being in a crappy relationship?? Nuhn-uh. That’s news to me.
But hats off to Sudeikis, right?! This guy is handsome and hilarious, but there is no way that he knew he was also gifted the ability to reanimate a woman’s genitalia once it had been declared no longer of this world. This is beyond Luke Skywalker discovering the Force or Clark Kent figuring out he’s Superman or Train having a career in music. This is the Resurrection of Lazarus if Lazarus was the vagina of an over-sharing actress and Jesus was Jason Sudeikis.
“You’re getting warmer. Warmer. Nope. Now you’re cold. Follow my voice! Yes! Warmer.”
And to the “over-sharing” point. I guess Wilde’s been getting a lot of flack for these comments. So much so that she felt the need to come out and kinda apologize for them, say they were taken out of context and all that typical damage control BS. What do you all think? Was she crass? Certainly melodramatic, but are you offended or just shaking your head in that “Celebrities Say The Darndest Things” kind of way? You, your genitalia (alive or dead), and your comments are welcome below.
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