Lindsay Lohan‘s publicist, Steve Honig, is back on the market after severing ties with the starlet after a year and a half. You can now find Honig on LinkedIn, where he is now only two connections away from reality.
Lindsay and Steve have been through a lot together, even in the space of just 18 months: alleged jewel heist. Alleged hit-and-run. Alleged unpaid room service tabs at the Chateau Marmont. Alleged trailer-wrecking on the set of alleged comeback vehicle Liz & Dick.
But Honig has stood by his 26-year-old client, despite the challenges. And by “challenges,” I mean walking down the street without shrubbery spontaneously bursting into flames and planes falling out of sky each time Lindsay Lohan exhales. Steve Honig can suffer a 26-year-old struggling with emotional illness and maturity issues. What he can’t take is that same woman 24 years from now.
Fair enough. And good on ya if the reports are true that you confronted Lindsay’s mom Dina Lohan for being delusional about her own and her daughter’s state (and for being a parasitic douche for borrowing $40,000 from her daughter mid-epic backslide). But why on Earth would you quit now? Can you honestly say you were unprepared? That you didn’t see it coming that the ill woman and her ill parents and the gobs of money and the public fascination and the alleged buckets of booze might (just might!) lead to the odd long day at the office?
But maybe I’m being unfair. I don’t know how you arrived at your decision to rep Lindsay Lohan. So, in the interest of journalistic-type integrity, I should first ask a few questions:
- How do you research prospective clients? With your fingers in your ears while thumbing through a 1998 issue of People?
- When you heard that Lindsay’s mom co-hosted a radio show with Jesse James’ mistress, did you think she was a history buff?
- When you took that career assessment in grad school, did you score off the charts on Hitting Yourself in the Face with a Splintery Board?
- Did you play a lot of Frogger growing up?
- Do you still use Alta Vista?
- Did you check Lindsay’s references? You know: her references to “That guy/cat/bush that walked right into her car” or “That business with the orange jumpsuit?”
- Is your opinion of the art of image management so very high that you believed all along that Lindsay Lohan simply had the wrong publicist?