aKids today don’t know how good they have it.
I mean, except for the whole Honey Boo Boo thing.
When it comes to the plain and simple materialistic aspects of childhood, our kids have it all over us. If my daughter becomes enamored with a particular show or character, I can order the book and plush versions online, download some games to the iPad, and gather all the episodes on our Tivo before the sun sets that day. It is indeed a wonderful time to let the TV parent your child.
LAY OFF, I JUST NEED TWENTY DAMN MINUTES TO MAKE DINNER AND GO TO THE BATHROOM.
The sheer abundance of merchandise available is not only a boon to today’s kids, it’s a boon to parents as well. Besides the obvious perk of distraction, today’s stuff helps modern parents accomplish one of the most important tasks when it comes to raising the next generation: thorough and proper Star Wars indoctrination.
If you–like me–grew up when Star Wars merchandise was still pretty much in its infancy, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. Oh, sure — we loved our Star Wars stuff as much as kids today love theirs, but…have you taken a look at that stuff lately? I mean, have you really looked at it with modern eyes?
Brace yourself. These may not be the misty, water-colored memories you’re looking for.
Guys, this is what passed as a perfectly acceptable Chewbacca costume back in the day. I’m not even sure what upsets me more — the costume or the fact that THE ENTIRE HOUSE seems to be made of Wookiee. You know what kinds of Star Wars costumes kids today get to enjoy? Well, let’s just say that they’re not made of flammable conversion van upholstery:
YOU SAW IT HERE FIRST: WE WERE TOTALLY GYPPED OUT OF LEGITIMATELY COOL COSTUMES.
And then there are the toys. Remember how cool those toys were? Yeah…you might want to take a look at the original Chewie action figure:
This image makes me feel lots of feelings, none of them appropriate to discuss without my therapist present.
Honestly, though? I was a sensitive child, and Chewbacca always kind of frightened me. Let’s take a look back at some 1980s Leia action figures. Certainly those have stood the test of time.
Ah. I don’t recall there being bath salts on Hoth, but it appears I was mistaken.
So, do you know what the Star Wars toys look like today? Take a look:
On the bright side, these are one-size-fits-all and adults can enjoy this stuff just as much as kids (SHUT UP, IT’S MY INCOME I’LL DO WHAT I WANT).
OK — let’s forget about toys and costumes for a second and focus on the more comforting stuff. I sure did love my Star Wars pajamas, and they pretty much look exactly how I remember them:
(Although I don’t really understand why the women’s nightgown seems designed for Fruma Sarah, but whatever.)
And you know what I always loved to wear with my PJs? Some snuggly, cuddly slippers. I’ll never forget my C3PO slippers…
…because they were apparently WEIRD and TERRIBLE and looked like dirty plush surgical booties — a far cry from the Star Wars slippers they’re selling these days:
(Legitimately afraid of the Darth Vader ones, I gotta be honest.)
Kids of today: you don’t know how lucky you have it when it comes to expressing your Star Wars fandom. And your parents should see to it that you never forget.
“HELP MEEEEE.”
What was the best/worst Star Wars merch you had as a kid? Give us a shout in comments!
Thanks to Kmart for sponsoring this post. Browse their awesome selection of Star Wars Halloween costumes, toys, and slippers here!
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