Ugh. I’ve only typed the title so far and already feel unbearably icky.
So Radar and TMZ are all abuzz today with Octomom Downward Spiral stories — and yes, they are even more Downwardy and Spirally than usual — with reports that Nadya Suleman has a drinking and prescription drug problem (Xanax), has been driving drunk (with her kids in the car, effing douchecanoe blibbity fuck), and has checked herself into rehab for a 30-day stint. The kids — who are still unable to be even MENTIONED by ANYBODY without murmurs of unbearable pity — are reportedly going to be cared for by three different nannies and two “friends.”
(Presumably a new set of nannies and NOT the one currently leaking stuff to Radar, including voicemails from her dad expressing concern over her drinking and driving. That same nanny also claimed to have witnessed child neglect and abuse, though an investigation by CPS didn’t turn up sufficient evidence. But Radar claims to only be making “charitable donations” on behalf the nanny in return for dirt, so like, her motives are like, TOTALLY LEGIT U GUYZ. TOTALLY JUS THINKING OF TEH CHILDREN.)
And of course, because no Octomom story is complete without sticking to the established script that she is a Terrible Freeloader, TMZ reports that while she could technically afford her own rehab thanks to her Dirty Porn Money, the facility “offered to pick up the tab anyway.”
(Double mega ugh.)
In summary, here is a picture of a cat with a towel on its head.