Where to start? Can I just skip to the end?
OH FINE. The judges hated everything they saw last week. And rightfully so, in most cases. The designers get a little more money to blow on hats spend at Mood, and I suddenly realize that Project Runway is not simply a reality show. It is a morality play, attempting to teach us all the lesson that money cannot buy love, happiness or enough time to properly sew, fit or style anything truly worthy of NYC Fashion Week. Take this lesson with you, into the world, my children.
On that note, let’s just skip to the collections.
CHRISTOPHER
Yeah, I COULD clog up my Downloads folder with individual photos and screencaps, or I could just use this handy Left-To-Right Guide To What A Total Choke Job Looks Like. Christopher’s mini-collection from last week suggested he’d at least managed to create 10 cohesive looks, even if they weren’t especially big on the WOW factor. This week, he freaked out over styling, couldn’t make up his mind on anything…and presented the weirdest and weakest collection of the night. Short-shorts and tank tops. Pants and tank tops. Non-closing jackets, Gunnar-level construction problems, those weird pink pants and that teabag-gutter-stain of a gown…and he totally downplayed the x-ray print, which was the most interesting thing he had going for him.
Christopher NotCostello, you may leave the runway.
MELISSA
Well…I liked her styling? Mostly? (Except those clutches got awfully repetitive after awhile.) The hair was cute, the shoes more or less worked, but the clothes… Oy. Nothing looks particularly flattering on the models here (that white dress with the side slit and wonky one-shoulder top is AWFUL and cheap-looking and the Korsicle was drunk if he genuinely loved it), and…a leather bathing suit? Da fuq? And the red dress looks like it was made out of a strawberry fruit roll-up. I really liked the black dress with the purplish-blue belt and the jacket on the far left, but other than that, there’s just nothing here that we haven’t seen a million times before at a million different stores.
Darkest Timeline Britta, you may leave the runway.
FABIO
Fabio should have won.
I know! I was terribly surprised to realize that I felt that way. Dmitry was a great character who did some great work throughout the season and was always seemingly robbed of his recognition by the judges’ falling all over the Gunnars and Christophers and Elenas who needed some justification to keep around. His win SHOULD have been the perfect redemption story, except that Fabio — quiet, unassuming, under-the-radar Fabio — came out of nowhere with a real flash of inspiration and presented some really innovative fashion.
Yes, some of the pieces are strange but…oddly beautiful. Everything is layered in a way that keeps you staring at it, noticing new things underneath and realizing that while it all LOOKS flowy and easy, it’s nothing like Anya’s taped-together crap. There’s real thought and skill here. I don’t own any cropped silver pants or long flowy tunics…but am now kind of wondering where I could try on some cropped silver pants and long flowy tunics. You know, just to see. I agree with TLo’s assessment that the styling was wrong, but Fabio really did something different here and should have been rewarded for not sending down 10 basic cocktail dresses and forgettable tank tops.
If I had to name Fabio’s collection, I’d call it Deconstructed Mondo In Opposite Land.
DMITRY
And speaking of styling issues…
GAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Oh my God, he made these poor girls look like neanderthals or something. (And the gorilla-arms on that jacket ain’t helping.)
I was really disappointed in Dmitry’s mini-collection last week — he’s done much better work in past episodes — and the rest of the looks really weren’t much of an improvement. Most of them were boring-to-safe, while other looks (like these two, and the overworked zig-zag billowy gown) were just kinda weird to borderline ugly/tacky.
Not that anything this show does anymore surprises me. Fabio’s loss didn’t enrage me — I wasn’t invested enough in these season to care that much about the outcome. Dmitry’s win was met with a shrug and a reach for the remote. Okay then.
About Amy Corbett Storch
