I don’t know whether it’s Stockholm Syndrome or just the late-stage alcoholism talking, but so help me God I kind of liked this episode.
Don’t get me wrong, it was an UTTERLY ridiculous episode.
I mean, BONKERS LEVEL ridiculous.
And yes, it had all the hallmarks of classic off-the-rails Project Runway.
1) Heidi turning the workroom into her own private sweatshop for her latest Exclusive Line For New Balance Jordache Pea in the Pod QVC FroYo Whatever venture.
2) BABIESZZSZZ! UNPREDICTABLE TERRIFYING BABIESSZZZESSESIES! A workroom chock full of non-parent designers going completely deer-in-the-headlights because BABIESISIZZZIEZZZS!
3) DOLL BABIEZZZSSIES!
4) SHOPPING WITH DOLL BABIEZZZEEEISISEEESSZ.
5) And last but not least, a shocking! Twist! An 11th hour second outfit assignment! For a non-model body type! Oh noes! Now just shut up and be grateful we’re not stealing all your thread and making you construct your garments using nothing but wrappers and gum from the vending machines*. YOU HAVE SIX HOURS.
So yeah, objectively speaking, this was probably a weak episode designed around a weak idea with some needlessly “wacky” gimmicks thrown in just cuz. And yet there was just something about it. Something I just couldn’t help but love, and no, it wasn’t this little guy’s runway strut…
…though you gotta admit this kid was cute with a capital K-Y-U-T-E. Even the judges fell all over themselves over him. Sonjia could have sent him down the runway in a poop-stained “I’M WITH THE MILF” onesie and they still would have awarded her the win because LOOK AT THAT BABY ZOMG THAT BABY.
No, there was something else about this episode. Something…genuinely fucking wonderful.
OH RIGHT. NOW I REMEMBER.
Bwa ha ha ha, Elena is gone. So long, you crazy over-eyelinered energy vampire, you.
Ironically enough, I actually thought her Mom Outfit was one of the better ones. That top is super cute. HOWEVER. 1) That jacket’s wide neckline gives me hives because it will never, ever, EVER stay up on that child’s shoulders, 2) those pants look like hospital scrubs and 3) she over-accessorized a BABY.
HOWEVER, as happy as I was/am to see Elena pack her
knives eyelashes and go, I really think Britta should have been the one to go, because DAYUM. She really Britta’d this one up good. A ruched side-zip cocktail dress. FOR A BABY. And some kind of pointless pointy…capelet? vesticle? WHAT IS THAT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE? And the mom’s outfit is tragic. Look at her face. She knows what’s up.
The judges kept Britta because they liked her past work better than Elena’s. Which is fine. Just don’t bullshit us the next time you send a talented designer home in favor of a more “entertaining” one and tell us it’s because you judge each challenge individually.
Fabio had a good week. While I’m not sure about the cropped sleeves AND legs, I thought the trim and pattern patches were super cute. But as someone who has bought and used a SHITTON of little boy outfits, this would probably be one of those things I buy because aw! cute! and then never use much because there’s about a five minute window in DC weather where this outfit wouldn’t be either too warm or not warm enough.
Dmitry obviously drew inspiration from two of the most beloved and timeless children’s movies in recent years: The Smurfs and Gnomeo & Juliet.
And congrats to our OTHER winner, Christopher. Because Christopher. Always with the Christopher. And his “OMG MEEEEEE???” clenched-fists-to-mouth beauty pageant winner pose. I’ll refrain from talking about this mom’s attitude because I’m guessing she was coached and encouraged to be difficult, and instead I will simply point out that the Babies R’ Us version of Christopher’s winning design was rendered in a completely different color and fabric and doesn’t include the headband. (Sonjia’s was left more or less unchanged.) Still sold out in a white-hot minute, though, so clearly Heidi knows exactly what she’s doing. That’s some Truly Scrumptious Moneymaking!
Only two episodes left until the finale, little chickens! We’re almost there. Though of course they will probably divide the finale into like, five different parts. That are two hours each. So. Probably not almost there at all, and we should all just give up and die right now.
*Next season, on Project Runway…TOP POSTS