Rumor has that Kardashian mom-ager Kris Jenner is sniffing around June Shannon, matriarch of the Boo Boo Chile clan of TLC’s Here Comes Honey Boo Boo fame.
Rumor has it this is this year’s Christmas card.
“Hey, Molly,” you’re asking. ”Why should I care?” I get it. I mean, Syria is imploding. 7.8% of Americans are out of work (more like 13% if you have any melanin). Polar bears are knee-deep in glacier melt. Who the eff cares if a famous woman’s sorta famous mom wants to manage someone else’s sorta famous mom?
I’ll tell you why you should care: because this could be the end of class warfare in America.
I’m sorry…we really did think you were fighting for something that didn’t center quite so much on Bruce Jenner.
Think about it: what makes us squirm most watching Kris Jenner hop across any one of nineteen Kardashian-themed reality shows on the E! network? That these people don’t deserve to be watched by millions of Americans each week. What makes us squirm most watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo! on TLC? That these people don’t deserve to be watched by millions of Americans each week.
The only difference is we don’t think the Kardashians deserve it because they’ve done nothing but earned a metric shit ton of money and fame for…well, for making a shit ton of money and fame. Whereas we don’t think Honey Boo Boo and the Shannon Clan deserve to be exploited and made fun of for not having money or mobility (at least not having it pre-TLC). That and the Shannons are, on the whole, overweight. The amount of space people take up in this world is Numero Uno on American’s list of Cringeworthy Things, behind healthcare but ahead of nukes in Iran.
At least he’s skinny, amirite?!?! (When asked how he stays so svelte, Ahmadinejad replied, “Iran.”)
While uniting these two unelected representatives of the economic extremes of the white-and-Armenian American experience may strike you as layering awfulness upon awfulness, maybe this a beacon of hope. Maybe the Kardashian/Boo-Boo marriage would break down the silos of economic privilege and put a fine point on what we’ve all known all along: people can skeeve us out no matter what’s in their checking account or what number is stamped in the waist of their jeans.
God bless us all.
About Molly Martin
