In addition to the many other “perks” of being the only offspring of Whitney Houston and Bobbi Brown, it appears that Bobbi Kristina Brown attended the illustrious (and highly secret) Celebrity Driving School. Yes, if you are a celebrity – or the fruit of the loins of one – you too can learn to drive from close instruction with celebrities like Kelsey Grammar and Paris Hilton.
You can also learn to snort cocaine off a hooker’s back at 75 miles/hr AND you get a free book of luxury car washes from Stop n’ Glo!
On Wednesday, Brown was involved in a single vehicle incident, after news that she has broken her controversial engagement to Nick Gordon. “Controversial” here meaning “yucky” and “weird,” since Gordon was adopted by Houston when he was 10 years old. Yep; Nick and Bobbi Kristina have lived as brother and sister since they were children. I wonder if their childhood was marked by permissive parenting? I’m thinking yes. I’m a fairly permissive parent as well, and while I encourage my kids to be adventurous, I do have a few hard-and-fast rules:
- If you want to use it, ask permission and put it back when you’re done.
- Don’t bleed on the good towels.
- NEVER MARRY YOUR BROTHER.
But maybe we should cut her some slack; Bobbi Kristina is under some stress right now. I understand. I once had a huge fight with my brother and we broke off our engagement and right after that I totally smashed up my Barbie Big Wheel.
Brown’s accident occurred in Alpharetta, Georgia, after an attempted left turn. The car went over an embankment, smashing into some small trees, but luckily Brown was unhurt. Police issued her a ticket for “failure to maintain lane.”
Bobbi Kristina should probably frame this ticket and use it as a metaphor.
But wait, there’s more!
Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay…
Each day, after my kids wake me up at the ass-crack of dawn, I check my email and news feed. This morning when I saw that Lindsay Lohan had been arrested for fighting in a nightclub, I was sure that either:
a.) I was dreaming, because who’s that stupid? or;
b.) I had accidentally changed my Internet news feed settings to 2010. Or 2011. But not now, because who’s that stupid?
I was wrong on both counts.
Lindsay Lohan has been arrested YET AGAIN, this time for assault. The arrest comes after punching a woman in the face at a New York City nightclub around 4 this morning. Sources say the altercation (altercation could actually be Lindsay’s middle name) came after a verbal dispute between Lohan and a female patron. Lindsay is reported to have said, “Give me my space,” after which she punched the said space-taker in the face. Cops arrived, Lohan was arrested, yada yada yada.
I could make a template for writing this shit when it comes to Lohan.
Hey everyone; I have an idea. Let’s band together in a great circle of communal power and harness the power of our sub-consciousness to send a message to Lindsay’s parents:
DINA! MICHAEL! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS TRAINWRECK OF A DAUGHTER OF YOURS.
Seriously, I am wearing out the keys that spell “Lindsay Lohan arrested” on my keyboard. SIGH.