Fake Almost-Disney Movies Make Baby Santa Cry

11/26/2012 12:00 pm by

kiara the brave Fake Almost Disney Movies Make Baby Santa Cry

I’m gross!

Holiday shopping season is in full swing, and it’s a race to drain every cent from our wallets in exchange for fleeting moments of manufactured bliss during forced traditional sessions of gift-giving carnage.

I’m sorry….let me try again.

Merry Holidays!  Are you done with your shopping yet? Did you find that special gift for Cousin Marty or Little Lou Lou? Net any good deals on Black Friday?

One discount display you might want to bypass is the bargain bin selling ripoffs of blockbuster animated movies. But figuring out which is the real deal and which is the fake could be tricky.

Fake disney brave Fake Almost Disney Movies Make Baby Santa Cry

One of these movies was created by award-winning Pixar Studios in collaboration with Walt Disney Pictures and features top-notch writing, complex character development, a layered story line that can be appreciated across a wide range of ages, and state-of-the art hyper-reality computer animation.

The other movie is a piece of crap.

How crappy is it? Well…pretty crappy.

That’s one feisty red-headed princess, and I’m going to give her props where due. It’s not her fault her agent didn’t kiss the right butts. But Hollywood is the place of broken dreams, sweetheart, and you won’t be the first toon girl to sling cocktails until you can afford a RenderMan overhaul.

Let’s try again.

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About Josette Plank

Josette is a coal miner's granddaughter and mother of three kids living in the deep suburbs of Central Pennsylvania. A former writer and actor with DQD Comedy Theater, Josette now shares her down home Appalachian kookiness at josetteplank.com.

Filed Under: Animation, Art, Best Of MamaPop, DVD, Family and Parenting, Movies, Parenthood, Popular, Shopping, Teh Crazy, Television Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,


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  • http://www.sweetney.com/ Tracey

    “It’s depressing to know there are humans who would create this movie.”
    I love your daughter.

    • http://www.josetteplank.com/ Josette Plank

      She’s a snarky writer in the making. Give her a year or two.

  • KellyBDelaney

    Like…I kind of understand why these exist (built in successful topics, low production costs), but they’re just so strange. And it’s weird to see what are essentially pr0n movie tactics applied to kids’ movies.

    • http://www.josetteplank.com/ Josette Plank

      It just seems like for the amount of work that does go into them, just upping the ante on the creativity by 5-10% and coming up with a completely new idea would be worth their while. Do people really rent these and think, “Oh drat, I thought this was the REAL Up!” And there are more than this out there.

      • http://twitter.com/opticalens Mike Perkowitz

        I love that the Up ripoff is called “What’s Up”. That’s like “Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie” levels of desperate attempts to sound cool.

        • http://www.josetteplank.com/ Josette Plank

          That is actually pretty good.

      • AmandaK

        Yes, I am THAT person. It was right next to the real one on Redbox. Dumb dumb dumb.

        • http://www.josetteplank.com/ Josette Plank

          Lol! That’s okay. Did you end up watching the whole thing? I have a morbid curiosity about this movie, now.

          • AmandaK

            I didn’t watch the Up ripoff, but I did see Puss in Boots. My kids watched the whole thing because we’re cheap and didn’t want to waste the $1.20. They thought it was fine (They were 4 and 2…not picky) but the scenes I saw were terrible.

  • http://twitter.com/alimartell alimartell

    This feels so much like those fake cereals—Frooty Floats or Oatie Os…They look like they can pass as the real thing, but there’s just a little too much cardboard in them…or something.

    • http://www.josetteplank.com/ Josette Plank

      The animation in some of them is worse than if they’d just made a flip book and filmed it.

  • Kelly

    Animals United is awful! My kid LOVES Madagascar and he looks at this movie like “what is this unadulterated crap!” He’s 20 months old. He may or may not use the term ‘unadulterated’.

    • http://www.josetteplank.com/ Josette Plank

      Lol! Kids can be taught to say, “Unadulterated crap” pretty early on. But it’s amazing how a lot of preschool teachers don’t have a sense of humor about a thing like that, let me tell you. :-)

  • http://www.amalah.com Amalah

    Insert that gif of Lucille Bluth closing the door suspiciously here, cuz…

    …closes door suspiciously.

    • http://www.josetteplank.com/ Josette Plank

      I read that first as Lucille Ball and was wondering what the hell you were talking about. I thought I’d seen every Lucille Ball movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=503147741 Rikki Campbell Ogden

    If you have not experienced the William Shatner voiced “The True Story of Puss in Boots” via Netflix, then you have not experienced true creepiness or WTF-ness!! I am saddened that I will never get this hour and a half of my life back.

    • http://www.josetteplank.com/ Josette Plank

      William Shatner voicing anything could be okay in a drunken frat party kind of way. But sober on a Saturday afternoon? No.

    • AmandaK

      I have seen this horror of animated awfulness. The queen was drunk or something, right? I expected the real Puss in Boots movie and got ambiguously gay cat instead. (Nothing wrong with ambiguously gay cats in general. This one was just terrible.)

  • HeatherMSM47

    My eyes and ears will never. NEVER. be the same since my kid discovered the fake Cars movie on Netflix.

    • http://www.josetteplank.com/ Josette Plank

      My mother bought this movie for my son. I didn’t really pay attention to it much – he’s my youngest, and I’ve gotten lazy with vetting movies. But maybe I’d better make sure the cars aren’t making Yugo jokes.

      • HeatherMSM47

        Hahahaha, just watch it once…then report back :)

  • http://twitter.com/opticalens Mike Perkowitz

    My daughter (4ish) got to see A Turtle’s Tale somehow (rogue nanny) and is now in love with it. Talks about it all the time. We ended up buying her a copy. It’s not Pixar-great and it is pretty preachy, but it’s fine.

    I was really enjoying laughing at this post until flooded with shame at seeing my own bargain-bin purchase right before my face. But at least we don’t have Ratatoing wtf.

    • http://www.josetteplank.com/ Josette Plank

      I was kind of surprised how harsh the Rotten Tomatoes folks were with A Turtle’s Tale. After seeing Ratatoing, Turtle’s Tale looked just fine to me in comparison, honestly. Maybe someone just peed in their buttered popcorn.

  • http://twitter.com/ryenerman ryenerman

    Ah man these are the kinds of things my parents would accidentally buy for my kids because they weren’t paying attention to the title and thought they were getting a bargain on the right movie. Depressing

    • http://www.josetteplank.com/ Josette Plank

      My mother did the same thing. We are the proud owners of “Not Quite Cars” or something like that.

  • Roo Ciambriello

    This is akin to buying generic tampons. Or something. Maybe.

    • http://www.josetteplank.com/ Josette Plank

      Generic tampons. That’s the kind of thing someone says offhandedly, but which will now show up in my zombie apocalypse dreams for the next ten years.

      • Roo Ciambriello

        I’m truly sorry.

  • LYBliss

    LOL – no doubt at least one of these will be in a gaudily wrapped present from my in-laws this year.. I swear they live by the mantra “Near enough is good enough”.. on the plus side, dodgy dvd discs look pretty hanging in the garden to scare away the birds, just have to remember to take them down when next they visit

    • http://www.josetteplank.com/ Josette Plank

      “just have to remember to take them down when next they visit” <— applies to so much of what I own.

  • pbblythe

    Turtle’s Tale was some RedBox (dude I was on an island) fail I got to enjoy this weekend. I though it was some Crush-based Nemo sequel, it was not, and then the “Mild Endangerment” turned out to be the wee turtle almost dies regularly. Ugh.

    • http://www.josetteplank.com/ Josette Plank

      “the wee turtle almost dies regularly”…oh no. My 13yo would have been in tears the entire time.

    • Jerry

      assuming this was a nemo sequel is your own fault. especially, if you never checked for the Pixar name on the cover. The general public has no one to blame for their stupidity but themselves.

  • Lina

    I am severely disappointed that we haven’t seen these almost Disney monies here in China. People are stealing our style.

  • Maggie

    That second video clip was so racist that I felt bad for laughing. Who would make such terrible childrens movies? These have got to be the crappiest movies I’ve ever seen and I just want you to know that I have to suffer HOURS of watching teacher bunnies sing about their love (The Easter Egg Adventure)

  • JaneRhine

    I don’t think either of those movies about rat chef’s are worth $20

    • Julie

      Oh, actually, I saw Ratatouille and it was pretty good.
      I mean:

      excellent cg graphics, check

      good if not slightly redundant story line, check

      pretty good character development, check

      and a happy ending that every kid adores(at least the last time I checked..), check.

      All in all, a pretty okay movie. It could have been far far worse, as evident by that….thing they claim is a movie…. (I have never actually seen Ratatoing…but I don’t think I ever want to… that is just…no. Just no.)

  • Emily

    I’ve seen Animals United…eugh.

  • Feanna

    Talking about qualitiy of animation, I give you: http://www.dingo-pictures.de/filme-de/koenig-1.htm

    It’s in German, Der König der Tiere (the King of the animals) instead of Der König der Löwen (the king of the lions – aka Lion King, which in its German translation loses the meaning of “the king is a lion”)

    We (my brother and I) got that for Christmas one year. To be (a little bit) fair, the real movie wasn’t out yet at the time.

    I do remember that we watched it all the way through and it’s bad, but somehow watchable. (The plot is about a diamond mine which basically ends in: greed is bad!!! So at least that part is completely different.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000237599252 Steve Lor

    Everybody knows that no one can out beat Pixars, Dreamworks and Disney when it comes to animated movies!!!! They are the best animated film makers!!!!

  • Brittany

    I loved a turtles tale, initially when I saw it (Netflix) I thought it was a story connected with the turtles from finding nemo (wishful thinking I guess) .

  • Lolotakun

    You may be wrong with two of your examples that aren’t your standard direct-to-DVD cash-ins. “Sammy’s Adventure” is a full fledged 3D-feature film from Belgium and has even some starpower in its cast. It came out a whole seven years after “Finding Nemo”, and has even spawn a sequel. “Animals United” has strictly nothing to do with “Madagascar” but is an adaptation of German author Erich Kästner’s fable “The Animal’s Summit” from 1949. I won’t say any of these movies are good, but the intention with which they were created may differ quite a bit from your demonstration.

  • http://twitter.com/MaryKateClark Marykate Clark

    A modest amount of reading should make it abundantly clear, if the bad images aren’t already a giveaway.